I was hearing from someone, not for the first time that we have to help ourselves before reaching out to help others but they had used the word heal instead. So, we have to begin healing ourselves before we can work on others. After pondering on that and learning that all the people who seek to heal others have gone through major struggles throughout their life, I realized that in order to serve others from a truly genuine place, you have to have walked down a similar dark, overgrown path. My desire to help others is very strong and comes from a place of darkness, my own darkness. Had I not had the crazy childhood with 3 of my siblings being labelled failure to thrive and my own personal terrors to face, perhaps I'd still want to aid others in their internal battles, but I'd lack the personal experience which means I'd be seen as quite a bit less credible. The people I'd reach out to might misinterpret my intentions and claim I'm trying to show them how to obtain the perfect life that I've had. But since I've gone through it, I can say "Look how far I've come. I've been trapped on a path like yours before but you can get through to the other side. I've been in a place where I felt death was an easier option, but look where I am now. It's because I knew there were many years ahead of me that could be filled with wondrous experiences if I bothered to stay and dig myself out of the dark pit of depression."
I've never been suicidal because I had a mantra of a kind "People love you and that's all that matters." But also because I knew there was more good to come. I was proven right when I got to do the trail last year. It was something that was meant to happen...a dream that I wanted more than anything. Especially since the other dream I strived for didn't. One dream was crushed and another got to be actualized.
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