So I spent all of last night in an anxiety ridden state and eventually gave up on sleep all together between 2 and 3 AM. I decided to write out my thoughts and see if that would help. There was a modicum of improvement but I was still wired so, I stayed up the rest of the night re-reading and editing some of my old blog posts. Despite the physical discomfort of sleep deprivation, I actually got some shopping done today and managed not only to have a video chat with a couple good friends of mine, but we all put our masks on and went for a very short walk through Northwest Branch. My head was occasionally spinning so we sat down for a good 20 to 30 minutes. I'm prefacing this poem with all this so that you know I'm doing perfectly well now, I just had to de-clutter my mind through my writing. And actually, to make the poem end on a more positive note, I just now put together the last stanza.
Every now and again,
I feel like all my flaws,
Real and perceived,
Are written in bold
Size 72 font
And my positive qualities
Are written in 9.5,
Making it really hard to
Accept the concept of
Self-love, let alone,
Accept love from others.
And although,
For the most part,
I’ve let go of and
Have forgiven as much as
Possible of the past,
It still creeps up on me,
From time to time causing
My heart to ache.
During these instances,
When my flaws seem too
Prominent and my past
Seems to rest
Heavily in my chest,
My ego poses
The nasty question:
Why would anyone love you?
And my soul answers:
Because of your heart.
Because of your humor.
Because of your empathy.
Because of your kindness.
Because of your love.
Because you are YOU.
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