Spiritual Growth

I've been working hard both at my new job (started working at a second Panera) and at becoming more grounded and less prone to worry. I feel that I need to let go of many past experiences in order to become more centered and efficient at work and yesterday at the Takoma Metaphysical Chapel, the reverend repeated over and over again, "The past is written in disappearing ink. It is over, it is done, it's not true and it has no power over us." Now the first thing I want to acknowledge about these statements is my perspective on why saying it's not true is actually an appropriate and accurate thing to say and I have two possible answers. The first is, he was reminding us that the only thing that is real is what is going on at this precise moment; the past is over and the future isn't here yet. Answer two will be seen differently by different people depending on how seriously you take Albert Einstein's quote, "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one." To me, when you consider the following fun facts that, one, time has been mathematically proven to be non-linear and, two, that the faster you move, the slower time goes, it's possible that space and time are nearly the same thing...but perhaps on different planes. I'm probably wrong, but I've been having fun with this twisted mind game lately.
Anyway, yesterday's sermon was really helpful and I find that working right after the service really seems to get me into a positive space to work in making me more efficient and providing me with some extra tools to feel relaxed and worry-free. It clears away enough negative energy to get me through the work day in a good mood. I'm trying to let my "higher-self" take over while I work so that I don't get discouraged too easily. Weekdays are fine and good because I'm helping with prep for 4 hours then taking care of the dining room for the rest of my work day. It's the weekends that have been rough because I'm the only one doing prep and being new at it means I waste a lot of time looking for things and am just generally slow at some of the tasks. I'm getting better, but it's going to take some time to both get it down and to start trusting myself enough to move quickly without becoming clumsy. I've gotten some extra hours in because of how long I take.

A Deeper Meaning to Help Yourself Before Helping Others

I was hearing from someone, not for the first time that we have to help ourselves before reaching out to help others but they had used the word heal instead. So, we have to begin healing ourselves before we can work on others. After pondering on that and learning that all the people who seek to heal others have gone through major struggles throughout their life, I realized that in order to serve others from a truly genuine place, you have to have walked down a similar dark, overgrown path. My desire to help others is very strong and comes from a place of darkness, my own darkness. Had I not had the crazy childhood with 3 of my siblings being labelled failure to thrive and my own personal terrors to face, perhaps I'd still want to aid others in their internal battles, but I'd lack the personal experience which means I'd be seen as quite a bit less credible. The people I'd reach out to might misinterpret my intentions and claim I'm trying to show them how to obtain the perfect life that I've had. But since I've gone through it, I can say "Look how far I've come. I've been trapped on a path like yours before but you can get through to the other side. I've been in a place where I felt death was an easier option, but look where I am now. It's because I knew there were many years ahead of me that could be filled with wondrous experiences if I bothered to stay and dig myself out of the dark pit of depression."
I've never been suicidal because I had a mantra of a kind "People love you and that's all that matters." But also because I knew there was more good to come. I was proven right when I got to do the trail last year. It was something that was meant to happen...a dream that I wanted more than anything. Especially since the other dream I strived for didn't. One dream was crushed and another got to be actualized.