Don't Say Everything Happens for A Reason

    Well intentioned people will often tell survivors that everything happens for a reason and most of us do not want to hear that. Some survivors might cut you out of their lives for saying that because not only does it feel like a dismissive shrug of your shoulders, it also feels disempowering. Saying everything happens for a reason takes away any remaining sense of power a survivor of serious trauma has and empowers their abusers. Abusers know this is being said to us and are very likely using this phrase to avoid taking any accountability for their actions. If everything happens for a reason, and if everything that occurs is "God's will", then they don't have to have a conscience. The people who have survived major trauma(s) at the hands of others are very likely to understand what I have said thus far and I hope this break-down of the phrase will help the well intentioned people understand. Now that I have dissected why this is not useful, I will give you a phrase that will be more useful. I just spin the current one on it's head a bit. "Make sure what happened to you didn't happen for no reason." This gives the power back to the survivor to some degree. Some might not fully appreciate this one either since there is still the concept of having a reason behind the trauma, but it is one they can create.