What Does That Make Me?

Distressed, devastated, and distraught. 

My father was the product of trauma...
So what does that make me?

Some people try to tell women, "not all men"
as if little girls are never raped by their own fathers,
as if the number of free roaming rapists is small,
and as if that counted for something.
If there was one rapist in the whole wide world,
that would be too many.

It took one man, several generations back,
to create the child molester my father became.

Imagine a little boy that was born into this world
with all this potential for love,
all this potential for joy, smiles, and laughter...
only to have that potential smothered by repeated traumas.

Imagine a little boy trying to survive
in the war zone that is his own family.
He learns that the world is made up of sharks and minnows...
and he learns that the only way to stay safe, to be "ok",
is to prove to everyone around you that you are a shark.
And to cope with his unhappiness,
he expunges the happiness of others.

You see, due to this,
the good in him
never had a chance to be expressed...
The God in him
never had a chance to be expressed.

Now this little boy grows up
to have a family of his own...
and acts like his father, the shark,
terrorizing his wife and kids.

And when his first born daughter
is just shy of her third birthday,
he rapes and sodomizes her.

Now this little girl carries his pain
and his shame
in her body, mind, and soul...
and that little girl was me.

Distressed, devastated, and distraught.

My father was the product of trauma...
so what does that make me?

I RELEASE MY FATHER AND MYSELF FROM THIS STORY!