The Search for Work and Why It's Killing Me

Well, I'm still looking for a second job to supplement my current income but my search has been sporadic and spotty at best. I have heard back from people, but only that they either couldn't open my resume or that they would like a cover letter as well. My mom mentioned that I might be reluctant to find more work because I don't want to work full time while my boyfriend is less than 3-5 hours away; he's about to start grad school in Morgantown where it would be either a 5 hour bus ride or a 3 hour car ride and the thought of it is killing me. I hadn't broken it down like that, but yeah, I don't want to work full time between now and August. We enjoy our time together so much that it's hard to be apart for more than a week. I don't want to have 1 or 2 day visits every month or even every two weeks, even now the distance seems too hard to handle. It would be awesome if the answer to the problem was to move with him but where would that leave me? The question is will I be able to pursue my dream while feeling sad and lonely half the time or will I do better when I'm distracted by how awesome it is to be living together. I'm worried I might settle for whatever I get in Morgantown because I'll be in a euphoric dream and that I'll get stuck even if I don't move due to bouts of depression. I really don't know what to do.

When an Overly Hopeful Romantic Becomes Clingy and Pushy

I've been spending a whole lot of days contemplating  my current relationship. The person I've been with for the last 8 months is convinced that we'll be together forever and frequently wants me to promise him that I'll stay. Unfortunately for him, I don't believe the future will be set in stone just because we decide to make a promise. Maybe we will be together forever and that would be great but maybe we can't. The problem I've been having is that if for any reason, we can't stay together, I'm going to feel guilty about it not working out. Since he believes so strongly that we belong together, if we did have to part ways he would likely be incapable of moving on and I'd blame myself for not being able to make him happy. Being happy with him right now is enough for me. I don't need to know where it's going to go. We're only 8 months in and I think it's pointless to obsess over our future together. I almost feel as though I can't make him happy now unless I promise to have a future with him and I don't think that's right. In my mind the most we can promise each other is that we want to be together forever. If you're reading this, I want you to know that I swear to you that I want us to live happily ever after and I hope that can be enough for you.

Could a Basic Income Be My Answer?

So, I recently learned of the idea behind a Basic Income* and that it is apparently all over Reddit. My thoughts obviously turned to how I could use something like that in order to be able to afford my hiking trip. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone would be interested in raising money for me in that way because I still haven't had any luck with crowdfunding so far and I don't think changing the reason I want money to, so I can live comfortably and through-hike the Appalachian Trail will help me change my current results.
Part of me thinks that if I were male, I would been more successful at raising funds on Indiegogo, that not enough people believe a woman would have the tenacity or perseverance to complete the 2,181 mile trip. I know I can, because I gain energy from being around nature and I plan to raise money for a charity as I go so that I'll will have twice the ambition to finish the trail.
Yes, money is only half the battle, but if I can take care of that efficiently, then I can spend the majority of the next 10 months finding someone to go with.

*For those of you who aren't on Reddit very often, a basic income is when you get about $1,000 a month aside from what you earn at work; it's a supplemental income that has been proven to actually make people more productive because they aren't as anxious and therefore more efficient workers.

Getting Back on Track

I've started job hunting and have set up a meeting with someone about the possibility of babysitting. There are quite a few people and places I need to be e-mailing my resume and references. I'm hoping to be able to work with autistic kids this summer and get paid for it. If this happened I'd be getting more $ per hour and more hours per week than I am currently getting at Petsmart. It would be amazing to be able to add that to my resume along with my volunteer work at Summer Buddies.

The Exhaustively Difficult Task of Staying Focused

So, every day I'm pretty much either at work or at my boyfriends house and or trying to rest long enough to get rid of one ailment or another which means I haven't been job hunting and I haven't been looking for driving classes. Yes, I'm a 23 year old who hasn't done anything towards getting a driver's license. Fun fact: I'm on my third learners' permit.
Anyway, as I was saying, I haven't been getting any of my goals done due to impulsive behavior and constant viruses; I get rid of one cold only to be hit by another. Then I had pink eye followed an ear infection. The former hit before a cold and the latter hit during. It's been a fun time to say the least. I think everything is on its way out now so I'm going to get on track this coming week and really make the effort.

Subconsciously Driven

So, for the last few months I've been choosing to carry around several bags of either groceries or personal items the days I leave from work to spend the night at my boyfriends house and I've been thinking that this is prepping me for the hike I hope to go on next spring. I walk at least a half mile half the time and about a mile the rest of the time. It wasn't part of my plan to start carrying loads of things this year but I remember having done it throughout high school. I would have a rolling back pack, my trumpet, and a lunch box and sometime an extra bag for my track uniform; and, despite the load, I would always take the stairs. In some ways it seems I've been preparing for this trip for a long time and I can't wait to see if I have the perseverance I think I do.

Battling Insomnia While Fighting Off a Cold

So this title sums up how the last few days have gone. I get 6 hours of sleep then go to work and try not to notice the way my cold and fatigue are affecting my head. Thankfully, my shifts are pretty short (only five hours) but it always feels longer when you're tired the moment you arrive. Also, I'm glad I get Wednesday through Saturday off which should give me enough time to finish recuperating. Anyway, with any luck, by graduation day I'll have all the energy I could want.

Graduation

Well, I've been done with college for the last 5 months or so but because my school has only one graduation ceremony a year, I have yet to walk across the stage. That will be happening a week from today and I'm really excited for it. I'm hoping the cold I caught last week will be gone well before then so I can have the energy I'm used to having during work. Work has been making me tired really fast due to this cold. Weirdly, it wasn't all that long ago that I rarely caught things like this but it's been happening more often this year. Anyway, back to the topic of graduation...I get to share this great experience with my boyfriend of 7 months; we'll both be graduating together and our families are going to celebrate together. It will be the first time our two families meet and I can't wait for the occasion!

My Thoughts On the Purpose of Love

So, I know it's been a good long time since I've added a post. The reasons that come to mind are merely bad excuses but I'll say that I lost focus on the goals I had when I started this blog. Anyway, today I want to write about some thoughts that came to mind while meditating the last couple days and as you may have gleaned from the title, they have to do with love.

Something that's been stuck in my consciousness for years is that we're all here on a spiritual journey and today I figured out the importance love holds for all of us on this awesome journey. The reason we fall in love is because we recognize the person as someone who will inspire us to become better people. True love isn't going to be found in the person who doesn't want you to change but in the person who makes you want to change, who seems so wonderful you feel that you need to continually try to become the best version of yourself in order to deserve having them in your life.

As someone who is nearly 23 and yet pretty new to this relationship thing, it would help to hear others' thoughts on this. I've recognized over the time I've been with my current boyfriend, things I could work on in order to be better and have started making a conscious effort to do so for his sake and I'm hoping he does the same for me. We're both, in my mind, childish, impulsive people, and I sincerely hope we'll inspire each other to try to be less so.