My Life Raft in the Storm

    I finally got sleep last night and had such a love filled prayer call this morning with people wishing me a happy birthday. It is the greatest blessing to know you are appreciated after having believed otherwise for so long. There is so much love in my chapel community, I feel buoyed by it daily. They are truly a life raft in the midst of a storm tossed sea. I want you all to know that the extent of the stormy weather I endured that I am about to share, has brought me to a deep indwelling well of hope, courage, and self-compassion. The storm has surely passed, and I am basking in the warm sun of my present gift of the love I have received from my friends and family, including my chapel family.
 
    I feel that I have reached such a state of forgiveness and acceptance that the new knowledge I attained between the 5th and the 6th about the extent of my trauma has not caused me to feel off-centered or unbalanced. At least, not after the good night's sleep I had on the 5th. For most of the last decade or so, when I finally stopped denying the truth behind my trigger word, I kept thinking to myself, 'at least it only happened once'.
    But now I know, through muscle testing, that although that trauma only occurred on one particular day, it happened more than once and lasted hours.  And in my post about the suppressed memory, I had said 'perhaps this trauma included a near death experience or something'. Well I have a confession to make. I had already tested that theory with muscle testing and it was confirmed. But, surprisingly, this confirmation actually brought me hope, helped me feel a deeper sense of self-compassion, and made me believe that I am here for a big reason after all. It brought me hope because it made me feel as though perhaps I have a memory of the other side, of heaven, tucked away somewhere. It gave me the knowledge that my sister's twin, who had passed away a month before this traumatic event, must have encouraged me to come back and finish the job. So please know that despite how heavy this information may appear, it has actually lifted so much weight from me.