Dear God, I Call On You

    It seems no matter what I write, the peace I get from these meditative writing experiences doesn't last as long as one might expect. I spend a great deal of each night imagining/picturing the level of trauma I experienced and then wake each morning with the same images in my head. This habit has started causing a good amount of nausea. Usually I wake up ravenous, ready to eat...but now, I've done an excellent job tying my stomach into knots by dwelling on a past I cannot change. You might say I'm wrapped up in self-pity...but I have another reason to revisit the pain. I discovered a way to heal the past while I linger there. So I've convinced myself that I go back to the past just so that I can heal it. I am not sure how true a statement that is, but that has been my goal. I dwell there often and while it screws up my sleep and with my overall well-being, my hope is that my intention to heal from it is present enough to assuage the past and present pain.

Dear God, I call on You and Your healing grace right now.
Dear God, I call on Your divine power right now.
Please pour Your healing grace into my deep wounds
that they may be soothed,
that they may be healed.
Dear God, I call on Your wisdom, Your perfect vision.
Please show me the way forward,
please show me the way out of the illusions of pain and suffering.
Dear God, please remind me of my holiness when I revisit the past. 
Dear God, please remind me of my wholeness when I find myself in pain.
Dear God, please remind me of my worthiness, my deservingness.
Please remind me that I am Your beloved whenever I fall into the depths of despair.
For I tend to forget my true identity when I choose to return to the past.
Dear God, please be patient with me as I unlearn what the illusions of the world taught me. Know that I am reaching out to You, God, expecting and accepting Your gifts of healing grace and divine power, of wisdom and perfect vision.
Thank You, God. Thank You, God. Thank You, God.