Turning Sorrows into Songs

    The hardest job we will ever have is turning our deepest pain into something that blesses both ourselves and others. Our deepest pain, when addressed with tender, loving compassion, teaches us how to minister to our wounds and as we learn to do so, we will be able to teach others how to do so. But this transformation is extremely difficult. These wounds tend to create a sharp lingering pain. They tend to be re-experienced in the body in some ways. For me it's through something akin to endometriosis as well as problems typically associated with IBS. These phenomena cause us to feel that the pain never left us. One of my hunches about this is that the re-expressed pain is proof that our body is still grieving the trauma. My number one goal is to not add fuel to the fire by condemning my body for doing this. Let's just say, I have a ways to go before I am able to stop doing that...

I have tried to turn my pain into poetry,
but the heart-ache is still there.
I have tried to turn my heavy wounds into uplifting words,
but these wounds, they still sting and chafe and ooze.
I have tried to turn my sorrows into songs,
but the grief, it still returns.

I know I must have made strides,
but all too often it feels as though
my dreams and goals
have been swallowed by the tides. 

I am not admitting defeat,
just that I'm still a work in progress. 
I am not throwing in the towel,
just admitting that it's hard...
that it's almost always hard.
But that doesn't mean this journey isn't worth it.

There are dreams worth holding onto
and the dream of feeling whole and safe and worthy again
is a dream worth chasing.
There are dreams worth striving for
and the dream of creating a better world
is a dream worth following.

Just because your dreams feel improbable,
doesn't mean you should throw them all away.
Instead imagine how it would feel
if they were ALL already real.

Believe me, I know nothing is harder
than learning to fly
when you are still encumbered by the chains of the past,
but we must spread our wings anyway.
We must dream big anyway.
We must try everyday anyway.
For the journey will never be worth it
if all you choose to do is quit.