Dear God, I Ask of You

Dear God, I ask of you,
please allow me
to feel whole again, to
feel loved and lovable
in this time of
isolation.

Dear God, I ask of you,
please take away my
fear of being seen,
my fear of being
desirable.

Dear God, I ask of you,
please allow me to let
go of all my past trauma.
I ask of you, please
do not allow me to
give the pain of my past the
power to take away the future I
desire.

Dear God, I ask of you,
please heal my fears of
harsh judgement,
heal the place within me that
feels less than others simply
because I feel things
more deeply, more
intensely.

Dear God, I ask of you,
please help me learn
to love myself and to let
go of all my self-criticism.
I ask of you, please
help me release my habit of
demeaning and diminishing
myself.

Dear God, I ask of you,
please take away my self-doubt,
confiscate my self-loathing, and
my habit of self-
sabotage.

Dear God, I ask of you,
please allow me to break
my habit of denying myself
of joy, of self-love, of
contentment.

Dear God, I ask of you,
please allow me to feel
your love, your healing, your
guidance.

Dear God, I ask of you,
please help me embrace
my power so I can
discover my place in the
world.

Dear God, I ask of you,
please show me my truest
and highest self.
I ask of you, please
show me what I am
capable of as I choose
to heal myself 
completely.

Freedom

I AM FREE!

Freed from my perceived limitations.

I am no longer bound by these self-made chains.

I AM FREE!
Freed from the illusions of guilt and unworthiness

and all their expressions of shame.

I am no longer bound by these self-made chains.

I AM FREE!
Freed from the false belief of my powerlessness

and therefore released from my role as the victim.

I am no longer bound by these self-made chains.

I AM FREE!
Freed from the illusion that my silence in

uncomfortable encounters will keep me safe.

I am no longer bound by these self-made chains.

I AM FREE!

Freed from the belief that suffering is not only necessary,

but something one must face alone.

I am no longer bound by these self-made chains.

I AM FREE!
Freed from feelings of self-doubt and undeservingness

and therefore freed from repeated self-sabotage.

I am no longer bound by these self-made chains.

I AM FREE!

Freed from the belief that I am unwanted or unneeded.

I am no longer bound by these self-made chains.

I AM FREE!
And I now see beauty

where I once saw pain.

I AM FREE!

And I now feel found

where I once felt lost.

I AM FREE!

And I now hear words of comfort

where I once heard the dissonance of fears.

I AM FREE!

And I now have faith and hope

where I once held despair.

Communing with the Trees

Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths. Picture in your mind’s eye that you’re standing among ancient trees. Both evergreens and coniferous trees are towering over you, protective sentinels standing, immovable by your side. You approach one of these trees and gently yet firmly place your hands against the rough bark in greeting. While standing thus, you and this tree exchange energetic pleasantries and then you sense an invitation and an offer. This sentinel is inviting you to pour out all of your Earth-bound worries so that it may transmute them through its winding roots and into the Earth. You gratefully accept its offer and as you do, you sense an energetic root system sprouting from the soles of your feet. As your roots wrap around those of the tree and as the energetic exchange takes place, the tree’s own source of energy pours into your palms, fills your heart chakra, strengthens your throat chakra and continues up towards your crown. Within moments, there’s a sudden eruption of energy flowing out of your crown and it’s taking the shape of branches striving toward sunlight. You can feel your aura stretching upwards and outwards towards infinity. Before letting go of the tree, you hear this message float through your head; “if your roots can remain aware of Gaia while your crown remains aware of the benevolent universe, you will be capable of creating what you want.” As you let go, you hear the question, “Are you ready?” and you say to yourself, “I am ready. I am here to accept my mission.” Even as you stand apart from the tree, you still feel your energetic roots communing with Gaia and your branches with the light of the Universe.

Don't Listen to the Ego's Lies

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies, my child.

These setbacks aren’t failures,

They are mere stepping stones and

Are actually just as important

As your successes.

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies, my child.

You may feel entirely alone on this journey,

But I assure you,

I’ve been by your side the whole time,

Keeping you on your path.

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies, my child.

You shall not fall short,

You shall not fail, for

Your drive, your soul’s drive

Is unwavering in its desire

To provide solace to those who feel lost.

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies, my child.

In time, you will indeed

Guide other souls through the darkness.

In time, you will indeed,

Alleviate their pain.

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies, my child.

For it knows not your strength,

It sees not your worth,

And it seeks only to destroy

What you have built.

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies, my child.

Know yourself to be loved and lovable.

Feel with perfect certainty

Your intrinsic value and worth.

For only then, will no one

Have the power to dismantle

Your faith in yourself.

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies, my child.

For I promise you,

You are fierce, you are brave,

And you came here

To do something spectacular.

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies, my child.

Don’t ever doubt, for even a second,

That you don’t already have

All the tools you need

For the job you came here to do.

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies, my child.

Don’t listen to the ego’s lies.

Anxiety Ridden, Midnight Poetry Slam?

So I spent all of last night in an anxiety ridden state and eventually gave up on sleep all together between 2 and 3 AM. I decided to write out my thoughts and see if that would help. There was a modicum of improvement but I was still wired so, I stayed up the rest of the night re-reading and editing some of my old blog posts. Despite the physical discomfort of sleep deprivation, I actually got some shopping done today and managed not only to have a video chat with a couple good friends of mine, but we all put our masks on and went for a very short walk through Northwest Branch. My head was occasionally spinning so we sat down for a good 20 to 30 minutes. I'm prefacing this poem with all this so that you know I'm doing perfectly well now, I just had to de-clutter my mind through my writing.  And actually, to make the poem end on a more positive note, I just now put together the last stanza.

Every now and again,
I feel like all my flaws,
Real and perceived,
Are written in bold
Size 72 font
And my positive qualities
Are written in 9.5,
Making it really hard to
Accept the concept of
Self-love, let alone,
Accept love from others.
And although,
For the most part,
I’ve let go of and
Have forgiven as much as
Possible of the past,
It still creeps up on me,
From time to time causing
My heart to ache.
During these instances,
When my flaws seem too
Prominent and my past
Seems to rest
Heavily in my chest,
My ego poses
The nasty question:
Why would anyone love you?

And my soul answers:
Because of your heart.
Because of your humor.
Because of your empathy.
Because of your kindness.
Because of your love.
Because you are YOU.

Lakeside Meditation

Take 3 deep, cleansing breaths and if you feel comfortable doing so, close your eyes. Picture in your mind's eye a dense forest with towering coniferous trees. Notice how their massive trunks resemble the supporting pillars of a cathedral while their arching branches provide a comparable cavernous space. Even the leaves, with the sunlight pouring through them, look like tiny, scintillating, bright green pieces of stained glass. Take in this scene as fully as you can and breathe in the fresh, spring air. As you walk along the path, you come across a gushing, turbulent brook. You follow it a ways down stream until you reach a shining, rippling lake with cattails bordering its marshy shores. Pause for a moment here and breathe in deep. After marveling for a time at the view, you suddenly realize that there’s a rock protruding up over the water. Once you spot the vestiges of a path, you walk up onto the rock and sit down. It’s warm from the sun’s receding rays. As you sit beside the lake, you watch as the setting sun paints the clouds pink, purple, orange, and gold and admire how perfectly the water reflects the image hanging in the sky. Occasionally, a warm breeze fractures the mirrored sunset into mesmerizing, fractal patterns of light. Take another 3 deep breaths.  As the sun begins to sink below the horizon, a chorus of peepers makes their presence known along the shore.

Spring Dawn Meditation

Imagine waking to a cool, crisp dawn. You peek out the window and the sight makes you feel like a child on Christmas. As color begins to creep into the sky and its puffy clouds, the trees outside are dancing in the intermittent gusts of wind and the grass is glimmering with the morning dew. Caught up in the moment, you decide to dash outside to view the sunrise from the top of a grassy knoll. The dew drops are refreshingly cold against your bare-feet. Though the branches are still swaying mightily, the wind against your face feels like a gentle caress. When you reach the top of the knoll, you see that the whole sun is now floating orange above the horizon and its hue is added to everything; the leaves are a subtle orangey-green due to the rising sun and even the tree trunks seem to have a hint of blush. You close your eyes and feel the sun warm on your face and the invigorating wind. Imagine you're lifting your arms up as if hoping to fly. Imagine the sun's fire and the billowing wind are lending you healing energy. The wind is reminding you to view your hurdles and would be blockages to your greatest good as illusory and immaterial as the branches, for the wind never stops to consider that a branch, or tree, or house is in its way. The sunlight is reminding you of the light within and that if and when you let it, your inner light shines as a beacon of hope to others trapped in the darkness.