A Matter of the Heart

If you wish to know
how I came to embrace
struggle and strife
over joy and delight...
I'll tell you what happened.

The heart of the matter is a matter of the heart. 

Early on, we were taught
that we weren't allowed
the privilege of elation or glee.
For our former parents could not perceive
their own worthiness for euphoria or jubilation
and so there came a time when
our hearts held neither joy nor contentment,
and living became burdensome.

The heart of the matter is a matter of the heart.
Our hearts learned lies before they learned truth.

So there has been a part of our consciousness
that has believed that happiness
might never be in the cards for us.
And there has been a part of our consciousness
that has accepted this falsehood.

The heart of the matter is a matter of the heart.
Our hearts are in need of miraculous repair.

The only remedy for us
is to ask Father God
to restore our sense of worthiness,
our sense of deservingness,
and to ask Mother God
to mend the broken hearts
of our childhood selves.
For it seems to me, at least,
that my grown self cannot remember
a time when she felt whole,
a time when her heart had not been broken,
a time when she had felt fully lovable and wholly deserving.

My grown self cannot remember
a time when life was not
a cumbersome burden to bear.

But the paradigm is shifting.
For the heart of the matter is a matter of the heart.

My heart has called forth the aid of angels
and my soul has silently summoned
the divine, healing grace of God
to assuage the grief of the past,
to erase the power of the lies,
and to obliterate the feelings
brought to life by these falsehoods.

Gone! is the belief
that I am not enough.
Gone! is the belief
that I am unlovable.
Gone! is the belief
that happiness can never be mine.
And gone are the feelings of smallness and undeservingness.
And gone is the grim acceptance of a meager existence,
one starved of joy and ecstasy.
For I know, accept, and embrace
the entirety of my worth and
I accept the fact that it can never
be diminished nor heightened by my suffering.