Never Sought the Spotlight

Preferring to remain invisible,
I have spent my life
quietly seeking out shadows
in order to remain hidden,
to remain inconspicuous
for I was wary of the spotlight.
I did not wish to be noticed,
I did not wish to be perceived.

I never sought the spotlight.
For I feared people would see
that I was more alien than human,
that I failed to play the part.
I feared people would notice
that I could not feign interest in make-up
any better than I could feign disinterest in academia,
and that they would hold these things against me.
I had observed others often enough to know
that I was uncommonly strange,
to know that I surely countered
the acceptable status quo.

I never sought the spotlight,
for I believed it would only ever
illuminate my flaws.
The spotlight never suited me before,
for I believed people might see
into my painful past,
and quickly conclude
that I was just an easy target.

But I have been stepping out
of that mindset for a while now.
I am beginning to allow the spotlight
to remind me of the sun instead of headlights,
I am beginning to believe
that the spotlight can spark my growth
instead of my destruction;
but only if I walk into it with fearless determination.
I am beginning to understand and acquiesce
that my true role is not to shrink into nothingness,
but to be like the birds,
to place not my trust
in whichever branch I have landed upon,
but in my sturdy wings.

Today I choose to, at long last,
test my disused wings
and take flight into the blinding spotlight.