Ready For Wings

Dear Mother, Father, God,
I am ready for my wings.
Dear Mother, Father, God,
I am ready to embrace my inner magic.
Dear Mother, Father, God,
I am ready to be so filled with faith
that I need not leap,
that I shall simply soar.

I take this moment to proclaim
that I am COURAGEOUS,
that I am STRONG,
and that I am POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE!

I take this moment to exclaim
that I am LOVED,
CHERISHED,
and ADORED
by You, Mother, Father, God!
I accept Your gifts
of PEACE and LOVE and JOY!
I accept Your gifts
of COMPASSION, GRACE, and WISDOM!
Not only on behalf of myself,
but on behalf of ALL humanity,
ALL life forms,
and on behalf of Mother Earth herself.

Dear Mother, Father, God,
I am ready for my wings.
Dear Mother, Father, God,
I am ready to embrace my inner magic.
Dear Mother, Father, God,
I am ready to be so filled with faith
that I need not leap,
that I shall simply soar.

I take this moment to proclaim
that my reluctance, hesitancy, and denial
are hereby released from my consciousness!
Starting today, Dear God,
I embrace the truth of my own divinity.
Starting today, Dear God,
I embrace the will of the Holy Spirit,
I align fully with my God Self.
Starting today, Dear God,
I allow You to set me free.
I allow you to dissolve
every source of fear, every anxiety.

For starting today, Dear God,
I am ready for my wings,
I am ready to embrace my inner magic.
And starting today, Dear God,
let me be so infilled with faith,
that I simply soar,
soar into Your loving embrace.

Whisperings From God

Today I choose to free myself.
I free myself from timeless sorrows.
I free myself from needless guilt and shame,
and from the mesmerizing tidal pools of self pity. 

I release the idea
that I can never be enough,
can never be loved.
I release the words that once
silenced my voice,
I release the grievances that once
bound my hands and feet.
I choose to see
that hidden within every grievance
and between each harsh word
is a whispered secret
God would have us know.
He has been whispering:
        You are strong.
        You are powerful.
        You are invincible,
        for I walk with you always.

He is reminding me that though
the words spoken aloud have caused me such pain,
God was still yet there speaking through them.
He assures me that I was only told what I needed to know.
I needed to know the depth of the wound
in order that it could be healed.
I needed to know so that when the time is ripe,
people will trust that I have indeed
walked the oft winding and lawless path of great healing.
They will trust that I, too, had to start from
the great depths of dark and foreboding caves
before laying first my faith and then my eyes,
upon the light at the end
of the sightless and confining, airless tunnel.

The hushed words continue:
        There is nothing that you cannot do
        while I walk with you.
        Every wound once healed
        becomes a source of ecstasy.
        Though your pain runs deep,
        be rest assured that
        your joy shall have greater depth
        and hence overwhelm all sorrow.

The Essence of Divine Timing

Author's note: Some of you will notice that my syntax has changed for this piece. That is simply because I have been reading The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran and what I read affects how I write. The poem following my preamble was written to illustrate where I am in my healing process in as non-judgmental a way as possible.

The Essence of Divine Timing: You cannot be late any more than you can be early. Do not wish to rush that which cannot be rushed. Do not let what appear to be false starts discourage you. For your path is divinely guided and your sense of urgency entirely unnecessary. In fact, things will appear to hasten when you decide to let go and go with the flow. The urgency you feel is a judgement of your perceived slowness and thus hinders you and your healing, your growth. Healing cannot begin in earnest while you yet judge yourself for being where you are. Growth cannot occur when you are preoccupied by your perceived slowness.

The Splinters That Remain

Though it seems safe to say
that the deepest of my wounds
has mostly been repaired,
there still remains the words
that entered my consciousness,
like needles, nay,
like arrows to the heart,
when they were thrown
carelessly upon my ear.

For whenever I replay them,
my heart breaks yet again
for my childhood self...
who seems, at times,
altogether other;
That is to say,
since I solely carry
the weighty words that they
had deigned to share,
and hold not the memory
firmly in my mind,
I tend to pretend
that this story isn't mine.

For how could I have suffered so?
How could they let that happen...
both the powers that be
and the adults around me?
And why would they choose
to burden me
with the knowledge of a trauma
long forgotten
yet forever felt?

Though the arrowheads and shafts
have hence been removed
and the worst of my pain has ceased,
wooden splinters yet remain,
and are felt with every beat.

Are they there to stay like scar tissue
or will these too dissipate
and thence cease to ache?  

Your Time Will Come

There are times when the ego
would have me believe
that I am hard to love.
But my soul would counter
that I am no harder to love
than anyone else.

There are times when my ego
would have me believe
that I have many more flaws
than everyone else.
But my soul would counter
that not only is this absurd
but that my various flaws
actually have their uses.

There are times when my ego
has convinced me
that I should be better than this by now,
that I should have learned more by now.
And my soul softly assures me
that I am doing my absolute best
and that is always enough.

It says to me:
"What you have to unlearn
is bound to take quite a bit of time
since these patternings
have been ingrained
over many lifetimes
and because
the numerous falsehoods
you are still releasing
were taught to you beginning
the day you were born."

My soul gently reminds me,
"When one is not protected
and cared for
by their very own parents,
it is hard to feel worthy of love."

My soul gently reminds me,
You need to accept the fact
that this wound takes time to heal,
to remedy; that there is no quick fix.

I hear the assurance from my soul,
that I chose a slow route
because many more people
will be able to identify with
a slow healing process
than a sudden experience
of complete enlightenment;
that many more people will find
my own personal roadmap
to healing the psyche instructive.

There is a purpose to the slowness,
so relax and enjoy the ride.
Your time will come.

Believe In Your Healing

    I would postulate that the very first step one needs to take toward healing themselves is believing that healing is possible. And for some, this is very hard to do. The greater the wound, the more insurmountable the task seems and yet, healing is always possible. Again, I will draw upon the paraphrase of a Henry Ford quote: Whether or not you think you can do something, you're right. Healing oneself will only ever be impossible if you believe it to be.
    Many of you know by now that my own wounds ran very deep and that my own experience of despair was overwhelming. But I had to believe that it could be better...because in my head at the time, I felt I needed to live for the sake of my family and friends, but I did not wish to suffer eternal emotional turmoil til the end of my years. So before I even fully believed in God, I'd pray to get through it, to somehow find the ever elusive light at the end of the tunnel. Thinking He was really an imaginary friend in the sky, or an absent pen-pal, I didn't know if I was heard  or if my words made any difference.
    My period of grief seemed to go on and on in an endless climb...and there was nothing I could do to alleviate it. Almost nothing. I wrote. I cried. I watched hours of comedy. I did reckless stunts on my bike without a helmet. But mostly, I did my best to pretend I was fine. I'd push it all down until one day, the dam would burst. Although it seemed to be on a hair-trigger, the truth was that by the time I sprung a leak, I had a million reasons I wanted to cry. Heck, this was the case even as a kid...as was the self-loathing that came with shedding tears in public.  I desperately wanted to be in control, especially when other people were around.
    Now circling back to my original point...as long as you choose to believe in your ability to heal from trauma, from a major loss, etc., you will be able to do so. Don't judge yourself on how long it takes. Everyone heals at their own pace, in their own time-frame. Some people will appear to get over things faster, but that may just be their façade. Just because you or I were unable to stay calm and collected all day every day, doesn't mean other people can't. Also remember that healing is not linear; it will often feel like one step forward, two steps back. There may also be times when you hit a major healing checkpoint or hurdle and believe you're done until a few more years pass and you realize you weren't even close to being finished.

The Interplay Between the Ego and the Soul

    When you learn how to stay in touch with your soul, life will become effortless. For your soul has been here before; it has navigated all of these obstacles before. The ego, for most of us, does not remember our other lifetimes, yet believes itself capable of being the navigator. Instead, though, we find that it is prone to flipping our raft as we cruise between the boulders, through the white water. Patiently, each soul waits for the ego to place its trust in the omniscience of our eternal spirit. For many of us, we only manage to do so a for a little bit at a time before our ego steps back in thinking it now has the hang of things. And so this entertaining yet exhausting cycle continues until we learn how to permanently place our full trust in the eternal part of our being. 
    My soul, just like my body, knows how to heal itself without my mind giving direct instruction. My soul, just like my body, does not need to learn to do so nor practice how to do so; it just does. This is not to say that the ego does not have an important role in our lives. Once an alliance is formed between the ego and the soul, they will have symbiotic relationship. The ego is the doer, and the soul is the be-er. The former gets things done, while the latter rests in the flow of universal loving energy thus giving our body and mind an abundant supply of energy and wisdom. Our ego uses the wisdom from the soul to make decisions that will improve our lives and to take us from place to place in the physical realm while our soul radiates peace, love, and stillness for other souls to accept if they wish.

The Solace of Mother Nature

I like to say that Mother Nature
has been my first and best therapist.
She seemed to know
that which weighed upon my mind
without my having to speak.
She seemed to know
that which weighed upon my heart
without my having to weep.

Whenever I felt confined
by the iron bars within my mind
Mother Nature would to send to me,
on the back of a spirited breeze,
the comforting tunes of playful birds
and the invigorating, salubrious aromas
of the coming rain,
and pine, and wildflowers.

Whenever I felt downtrodden
by the trials of a life half-forgotten,
Mother Nature would send to me
the whishing sounds of gusts through leaves,
and chattering chipmunks and buzzing bees.

She has always known the way to solace
and would take me by the hand and lead me there.
Her bewitching, leaf-litter veiled pathways
always enticed me,
always drew me into her wilderness.
The gentle run of gurgling brooks
would always tug my heartstrings.

I wanted to be as free as the wind,
as lighthearted as the birds,
as carefree as the wildlife.
And so I'd watch them intrigued,
and try to learn from them.

I noticed that even the smallest of creatures
are not bothered by their smallness.
I noticed that the birds
delight in their flight,
for they know how
to ride through the turbulence.
For wildlife, work and play

seem to be one in the same.