Middle of the Night Prayers

    I got a sign from spirit to send a certain email I had drawn up earlier in the day on the 7th of this month (a project I hope to monetize), so I accepted the signs, made a few minor tweaks and sent it. Well, now it is the 13th and I haven't heard anything back so, of course, my ego is beginning to panic. The longer I wait for this email the more license my ego has to say "See, I told you so." I'm beginning to wonder why, if my ego was still saying 'no', spirit directed me to send the email. I feel I need to know these things in order to allow spirit, to allow my higher self to take the reins. What can you tell me, God, that would calm my panicked ego?

Dear Mother, Father, God,
please allow me heal my ego's 'no'.
Dear Mother, Father, God,
please allow me to pull the chord
for the parachute You have promised
because all I see
is the ground rushing up at me.

My ego is scared, Mother, Father, God.
So dear God, I let You in and ask You to please
heal the part of me that doesn't feel taken care of.
Please heal the part of my ego
that doesn't believe You will ALWAYS take care of me.

Mother, Father, God, I let You in
I let You into this part of me that is terrified, mortified of this decision.
Dear Mother, Father, God, please,
I let You into the part of me that says 'no, it's impossible'.
So please, dear God, take this 'no' from me now.
Please take my ego's hand and guide it to the parachute's chord.
Show my ego how to release its needs to You.
Take my ego by the the hand, Mother, Father, God,
as it crosses this new threshold of faith.
Guide my ego back to my higher self.
Please, dear God, assure my ego that I am provided for.
Please, dear God, heal this part of me
that believes I am not taken care of,
that believes I will always return to a place of suffering.

Mother, Father, God, I ask this of You from the bottom of my heart.
Please give my ego the healing it needs to say 'yes'
and the signs it needs to believe in this parachute,
that you didn't give me one with holes.

God, I let You in. God I let You in. God, I let You in.
God, I let You in to this part of me stuck in disbelief.
Take my ego's hand, dear God,
take my inner child's hand, dear God,
for that has always been where my 'no's' reside.
Take their hand and show them the parachute
my soul knows You have promised me.
Thank You, God. Thank You God. Thank You God.
Let this be so, and so it is.

The longer my ego stays in charge the more it can prove You wrong God, so please I ask You for swift laser healing of the disbelieving ego. I let You into that part of me. I let Your Grace reach that part of me, to lift it, and support it. I envision You God, teaching my ego how to trust the support of the universe. I envision You God, teaching this part of me how to float effortlessly on the water. Your Grace is like the father's hand supporting the child's spine that would bend preventing her from effectively floating. I picture this in my mind's eye, You teaching me to float by placing Your healing Grace under the part of me that thinks I can't float and bends to prove it. Thank You, God. Thank You, God. Thank You, God.