A Beautiful Mess

There are times when I look at my life
and all I see is a mess.
There are other times when I look at my life
and I see a beautiful mess.

There have been times when I look at myself
and all I see is the insanity.
But there are also times when I see my strength.

All things considered, I turned out quite alright,
and yet--I often feel ashamed and embarrassed
that I don't know how to be human.
I have felt like an alien from the start,
with a heart no one could reach
and a mind no one could read.

And despite my progress, some things feel harder.
I want to feel whole. I want to feel lovable.
But I question these things.
I feel as though I must reach a certain place
of sanity-- or clarity-- or stability--or--
in order to be loved
and that until I do so
I am annoying, in the way,
or otherwise burdensome.

Of course, these are all lies the ego still clings to.
I know this to be true.
And I shall take the moment now,
to invite God into all the places within me,
that still believe these lies.

Dear Mother, Father, God,
I invite you and I invoke you
into my mind, into my body, and into my energies
so that I may be healed from all the falsehoods
my ego yet clings to.

Dear Mother, Father, God,
please pour Your loving light
into the places within me
that have internalized the condemnation of others
so I may heal my consciousness.
Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God.