Nothing to Pretend

I've been called to take center stage...
And I've said yes.
Not because I want or like the spotlight,
but because I'm still afraid of the spotlight,
and yet I feel in my heart of hearts
and in the depths of my soul
that this is a fear I must face head on.
It is not my first time swallowing my fear,
but it is the first time I have done so
for something outside the scope
of theater and band.

This time there is no charade; no character to play.
This time there are no accompanying performers
to keep the anxiety at bay.
I must stand on my own
and act as though
I have a great deal of confidence,
as though I have some self-assurance;
and maybe by the end,
there will be nothing to pretend.