What is One To Do?

What is one supposed to do about past trauma?
What is one supposed to do
when the pain of our past is so hell-bent
on haunting us? On robbing our peace of mind?

I have already tried denying
the truth of it for many years
until the information reached me directly
and confirmed that which I had
so fervently denied
with every fiber of my being.

What is one supposed to do about their past trauma?
What is one supposed to do
when the weight of the past is so hell-bent
on haunting us? On robbing our sense of self-worth?

I have already waded through
despair and had countless self-pity parties
before turning them into motivation for travel...
and yet it still returns.

I feel I have let go a hundred different times
and in a hundred different ways
and still the weight of it continues to return...
and always when I least expect it.

Am I to turn it into a badge of honor?
Am I to learn how to be proud
of having carried this heavy burden so well?
Am I to feel courageous
for having chosen such a life as this?
Am I to feel valiant
for not allowing the event
to corrupt my heart?

Perhaps I should aim to do all of these.
For a part of me knows
that I chose this life for a reason
knowing full well the risks that were involved.
Meaning that the pain of my past
was never a sign of my powerlessness.
A part of me knows that it has served a greater purpose
and that I am to learn how to become
greater than the summation of my history.

For no one is to be defined by any single event;
Who we are in this moment
involved countless trials and triumphs
and how we have chosen to carry them.