A Thousand Capacities

I wish you all could see
how far I've come to be here.
I wish you could see
the countless trials,
the plethora of triumphs
that brought me to this moment.

There was almost never a time
when I felt life was easy
and those times mostly consisted
of summers.
Summers in which
I didn't have to face
my teachers or my peers.
Anxiety was my constant companion,
an ever present undercurrent
which meant small inconveniences
could make me cause a spectacle
despite the fact that
all I really, truly wanted
was to remain invisible.

After a few years in school,
I started feeling indifferent
about my existence
and often wondered
why I was even here.
But despite the struggles,
I found I loved learning
even though I couldn't
always prove my intellect.

For one time,
in fourth grade,
I failed a five question
math quiz,
and yet the following year,
I moved up a level in math.

And this has been the pattern.
No one expects me to succeed until I do.
Even to this day,
I don't know what gave me the strength
to ignore the doubters
and keep my head down
until I could show them
that I had "a thousand capacities"
ready to spring up in me.

Perhaps my soul,
had been fully aware
all along,
of my true potential.
Perhaps my soul
has always been
the source of my strength.