When Daydreams Become Real

     Looking back, the most extraordinary thing occurred to me in the midst of all my mental anguish. Whenever I thought about dying so I could start my life over with a childhood free of trauma, two positive whisperings interrupted my melancholy. One being, "What are you talking about? After your adoption in January of 1999, your childhood experiences were pretty damn close to idyllic. Sure there were exceptions and they may have stung more for you due to the half-remembered misery of the past, but you and your sister had 7 acres of open farmland to explore, to go sledding on, or to wander down a meandering creek in the woods." The second was, "What if I, somehow, get a chance to hike the Appalachian Trail? I've got to stick around to find out." And lo and behold, that dream of through-hiking the trail came true about 5 years later in 2016. Aside from not knowing (at the time of these musings) whether or not I'd ever get started, I felt certain that once my hike began, I would be able to complete the whole challenge barring any major injury or illness.

    I'm sharing this, because at the moment, I have another very profound and far-reaching dream that I hope with all my heart will also come true. This dream first washed over me in 2018 while in England and it seemed to be a vision God shared with me; it feels just as real and tangible some days as the dream I had of hiking the famous 2,000 mile trail. My hope is that by the time I've gotten my masters and/or PhD, that I will be able to create a job that doesn't currently exist. A job in which I'd be helping children and teachers alike. A job that will allow me to continue healing from my own childhood experiences. And this wonderful experience will be entirely different from any other because I will have truly found my voice and feel unashamed of speaking my truth. I would have become so full of self-assurance that the words and actions of others that would have triggered me back into invisibility would do nothing more than sting. I really hope that I am speaking and writing this into existence.