To Reach the Kingdom of Heaven

We must travel light
to reach the Kingdom of Heaven.
We cannot carry fear
nor shame
nor guilt
into the Kingdom of Heaven.
We cannot carry worries
nor judgements
nor anxieties
into the Kingdom of Heaven.

We may only bring
that which lifts our hearts:
love, gratitude, peace, and joy.
We may only bring that which lifts our souls:
faith, self-love, and awareness of our worth.

Fear, shame, guilt,
worries, judgements, and anxieties...
each of these make up a burdensome weight;
whereas love, gratitude, joy,
faith, self-love, and worth work as Sherpas.
Meaning they work to lighten our load
so that we may move easily and effortlessly
toward our destination.
These things carry us through
whenever things get tough.

So travel lightly to the Kingdom of Heaven.
Drop each of your burdens and invite
all of your Sherpas along with you
so that you will not be discouraged
by the circumstances of your journey.

Today and Forever More

I align my will with Yours, dear God,
today and forever more.
I align my love with Yours, dear God,
today and forever more.
I align my peace with Yours, dear God,
today and forever more.
I align my consciousness
and I align my thoughts with Yours, dear God,
today and forever more.

For today I acknowledge
that I cannot help the beings on this planet
until I am in alignment with all that You are,
dear God;
I cannot help the beings on this planet
until I have let go of all my past patternings
that no longer serve me.
For I no longer have to survive, God.
It has been Your will that I thrive happily and healthily.
And as I align with Your will for me,
I open up to all of the possibilities
the future has in store for me.
I see with clarity the prize that awaits.
The prize of shared joy,
the prize of shared love,
the prize of shared ecstasy.

For as I replace the burdens of the past
with your endless blessings of the present,
my happiness shall overflow
to all those whom I encounter.

Poetic Stream of Consciousness; I Remember Now

I am ready for a change.
I am ready to fight for my peace of mind.
Wait a moment, that's not quite right...
I am ready to settle into my peace.
I am ready to immerse myself in peace.

My sense of peace has been distorted my whole life;
my equilibrium thrown so far
out of balance
that I never knew what it was to feel at peace.
So, in my mind, I have had to fight
to get my peace back.

Peace was supposed to be my home.
Love and joy were supposed to be my home.
But instead, I was abruptly dragged away from my home
and left alone in the frigid, starless dark.
I spent most of my life shuffling through the blackness
with a withering coat of denial wrapped around my shoulders.
I clung desperately to that illusory coat
for I could not face the truth....
I could not face the monster
that had dragged me away
from my rightful home.

And then a day came
when the truth was thrust on me
like a load of bricks.
In that moment,
the night felt even bleaker than before.
And I spent another decade
scrambling in the bitter night
without the hollow comfort of denial.

I did not know where I was going,
only that I didn't wish to stay in the darkness.
So I have decided at last
to take the time to bring my home of peace to me,
to bring my home of love and joy to me.
I should not have to fight for my peace of mind,
I should not have to fight to feel loved,
I should not have to fight for my worth or earn my value.
And this should be obvious...
but is sadly counterintuitive for me.
I felt I wasn't loved as I was...
not by my biological parents...
so I began to believe
that I had to prove my value to others
or else they'd never see it.

As I sit in the dark tonight,
I call peace and love and joy back home to me.
I call forth my courage and my confidence.
I call forth my feeling of worthiness.
I call forth my self-love.
I call forth all of the positive feelings
that became foreign to me
the moment I was dragged out of peace.
They have always belonged to me,
but I forgot.

In my fear, I forgot my courage.
In my pain, I forgot my peace.
In my perceived degradation, I forgot my worth.
But I remember now. I remember now. I remember now.
I remember now that I have always been worthy.
I remember now that I have always been loved.
I remember now that I have always been courageous.
I remember now that I have always been peace.
I remember now that I have always been love.
I remember now that I am a Beloved Child of God here on a mission.

Today I Choose Ascension

Today I choose ascension and discard the bricks
of shame and guilt from my pockets.
Today I choose ascension and break free from
the shackles of fear and doubt.
Today I choose ascension and shrug off
the layers of unworthiness.

Today I choose unbridled joy, freedom, and happiness
and leave behind my sorrows and my grief.
Today I choose infinite love and light,
and leave behind the sightless nights.
Today I choose to see everything
as an expression of the love of the universe;
the sunlight streaming from between the clouds,
the wind whispering secrets to the trees,
the creek caressing and cajoling the crawfish and the minnows.

Today, everything I see
and everything I experience
is an expression of love from the universe.
Today I choose to see nothing but love
and experience nothing but joy.
For even if I shed tears of sadness,
I would do so knowing
that I am making room for happiness;
I would do so knowing
that I am now able to hold
both joy and sorrow simultaneously.

To Bivouac in the 'I' of the Storm

A continuation of  yesterday's word play.

After spending much of my life
in the midst of a nigh on endless monsoon,
and believing I was a part of the storm,
I am beginning to cultivate
a strong sense of inner peace.
Where I once believed
that my pain and weariness
made me feel alive,
I know now that I had simply
grown used to surviving.
I would weather the tempest
because that was all I knew;
true peace was foreign to me.
So now, with my new awareness,
I call upon my higher self,
I call upon Mother, Father, God
to help me bivouac in the 'I' of the storm.

With God's impenetrable bulwark of grace,
no gust or gale shall sweep me off my feet.
With God's all encompassing, comforting love,
no almighty onslaught shall cause me to question my safety.
And with the divine knowledge
of God's unquestionable steadfastness,
no tempestuous squall shall tarnish
my hard-earned tranquility,
my precious peace.

In this treasured moment, I now know
that whenever the high winds and heavy rains return,
that I can simply pause, take a deep breath,
and picture the perfectly made
bivouac in the 'I' of the storm
and watch as my calmness
and my stillness radiate from me.

Stolen Serenity or Given Super-Power

Still not sure which title I will use, the one above or the one below...but for a while now, I have been toying with the concept of "stolen serenity" but didn't want to write something depressing. So here is a rough draft of what I am trying to share. (And maybe it will become a poem some day.) It has been a long journey and my goal in sharing it is not to bring people down, but to show others how to stand back up after getting repeatedly knocked down in life.

"To Bivouac in the 'I' of the Storm"

I woke from a wild dream one morning and recognized something profound. The dream showed a crude interpretation of my early childhood trauma...but be rest assured that there was no distress in me as I witnessed this. What I did feel was my father's anger...and I realized that what he found maddening was simply my serenity as I napped. He was furious that I could be so serene while he had carried a raging storm in his head all his life. And in his anger, he stole my serenity feeling as though if he couldn't be at peace, then neither should I... nor anyone else for that matter.
But in doing so, he gave me a super power. One I had to work tirelessly for, but one I am quickly closing in on, one I am rapidly honing. The super power he unwittingly gave me is that I can now bivouac in the "I" of the storm. I can return to my center of peace and safety more quickly after a disturbance. I can provide myself with the needed warmth, comfort, and courage to face most anything. Since his action against me was so abhorrent, almost every tempest I have encountered and will encounter will be easier to endure.

How Shifts in Perspective Can Lead to Forgiveness

Some may be wondering
how I have come so far in forgiving
the unforgivable.
I'll tell you it wasn't easy
but I didn't do it alone.
It's true I may have had
to take every step myself
but I had support all along the way.
Forgiveness on this scale
takes a few major shifts in perspective.

The first shift that took place
was this idea
that if I held the belief of reincarnation,
then it would make sense to propose
that perhaps I chose this life.
That I chose this life knowing the risks.
You may question me here,
but imagine how empowering that idea is.
Your soul, knowing what's at stake,
chose to reincarnate as you.
The more I internalized that idea,
the better I felt.

Another shift
that occurred two years ago,
was the idea that
if it weren't for other people's
moments of weakness,
I would not have sought
my inner strength.
And more recently
I have come to the conclusion
that the hardships have not only
spurred me to travel,
but they are quickly
becoming the fuel
for an amazing future
where I can identify with
and relate to the struggles
of so many children.

How can I hate someone
for setting me up to do something so grand?
Yes, it was a painful experience,
yes it haunted my dreams
and my day to day life, but now...
Well, now I can alchemize that deep wounding
into deeper and more profound compassion
for everyone I meet.
Now I can create an exquisite masterpiece
with the bold dark colors
now illuminated by iridescent
silver and gold,
by the energizing, hopeful colors
of orange and red.
For the storm has long since passed,
and the sun has returned to paint
the once gray storm clouds,
and a gentle breeze has
come back to cleanse
and freshen the air.

A Prayer to Instill Worthiness

Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator,
I invite you and I invoke You
into my mind,
into my body,
and into my energies.

For, God, I need Your help in this moment
to release my perceived failings and imperfections.
Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator,
I invite You and I invoke You
into my mind, body, and energies;
for in this moment I wish
to realign my vision with Yours
so that I can believe
that my successes are amazing and wonderful
and that my shortcomings don't even matter.
They may exist, but I know in this holy instant,
and with every fiber of my being,
that You do not intend for me
to give them the power
to hold me back from your good.
My imperfections have a divine purpose, Dear God,
and therefore they do not make me unworthy
of the good you wish for me.

So I accept in this moment, Dear God,
that I indeed have more to offer the world
than my ego would have me believe.
I accept in this moment, Dear God,
that I indeed have more power
in my vulnerability
than my ego would have me believe.
I accept in this moment, Dear God,
that through you all things are possible.
And Dear God, I accept in this moment,
that I still hold Your Divine Love,
Your Holy Light,
and Your Power of Grace.
I thank you God.
I thank you God.
I thank you God.
Let this be so. And so it is.
Asé. Aho. Amen

Nothing Shall Stop Me

 If God is my source of Peace,
then no one and no thing
has the power to take my Peace from me.
If God is my source of Love,
then no one and no thing
has the power to take it from me.
If God gave me Grace,
then no one and no thing
can take it from me.
If God is my source of Power,
then there is not a thing in this world
that can take my Power.

If God's Divine Vision enters my mind
in all it's wondrous beauty and clarity,
then no one and no thing
shall have the power
to sway me from my conviction.
For once I acknowledge the truth
of who and what I am in the eyes of God,
nothing shall stop me
from reaching for the stars.

So I acknowledge in this moment
that I was created in Peace, as Peace;
that I was created in Love, as Love.
I acknowledge in this moment
that I was created in Grace, as Grace
that I was created in Light, as Light
and in Power, as Power.
I was created as a vessel
to hold
God's Love,
God's Light,
God's Peace,
God's Grace,
and God's vision,
so that I may help manifest a world
full of Love, Light, Peace, and Grace.

Rediscovering Belonging

It may have taken a while to get here,
and it may have included
many unexpected detours,
but I'm beginning to reach a place
where I can love my story.

I have weathered the storms,
maybe not always as
gracefully as I would have liked,
but I have succeeded.
I may have scraped my knees
from crawling amidst the gusts.
I may have limped along
on weary, blistered feet,
but I made it all the same.

My journey has been
complex and convoluted;
full of adamant denial,
I could not heal my past until
my subconscious knowledge
was confirmed.

Through childhood,
even with some memories
of my original parents
and of my time in foster care,
I never perceived myself
as a survivor of trauma
or even as a person with
a fear of abandonment.
In order to keep my sanity,
I managed to deny
all of the facts
and all of the evidence.

So my healing began
some time after January 2010,
when my fragile bubble
of false reality had burst.
That was the beginning
of the hardest part of my life.
To this day, I don't know how
I managed to get by.
And yet, here I am
10 years later
having completed college,
having hiked the Appalachian Trail,
and having backpacked through Europe.

And now,
when I think about the trials of the past,
I realize that they will be the reasons
that I can connect with so many children.
It may not have been pleasant,
it may have been downright terrifying,
but now I see those experiences as liberating,
because now I can see where I belong and why.
I belong in classrooms helping teachers and students alike,
for I have been the neglected student
and the shunned student.
I know where I belong because
I know what I wished to see
from my teachers who,
in their inability to understand me,
let me struggle all alone.

But they could not know the weight of my burdens.
How could they when I never even
admitted to myself that I had any?
It may have felt like the world
never made a place for me,
but I am about to make a place for myself within the world.
With the goal being to ensure that the world
begins to make a place for all people, for all children.

A Heavenly Cloak

My intention was to heal myself
and what happened was so much more profound.
It began with twenty-six versions of me,
me at twenty-six ages,
surrounding my two year old self.
Here is what unfolded:

We surround her in an enormous group hug,
showering her with words of love and affection.
Then an Angel enters the circle
and holds the little girl's hand.
After kneeling and whispering in her ear,
the Angel lifts my two year old self
into her arms and begins to fly.
As they rise, my twenty-six selves
begin to drift up behind the Angel.
Without thinking, we create a spiral
with the Angel at the pinnacle
and with each twining coil
slightly larger than the last.

We are floating up past the towering trees
and hear the susurrus of dancing branches.
Though we know it to be the wind,
it seems as though the trees are excited
about what's about to happen.

After an interminable amount of time,

we begin approaching the cottony clouds

and in another few moments

we arrive in open space;

the stars are visible now

and the Earth is beginning to look
like a big blue ball.

Suddenly, we all stop,
our spiral now folding itself

into concentric circles.

The Angel seems to be calling out
and all at once we are surrounded

by my angels, guides, and ancestors.

They begin what I can only
describe as a ceremony.

They are chanting in an unknown language
and as they sing, an enormous wave
of loving, healing light emerges

from behind each being and washes over
every one of my twenty-six selves
and my two year old self--

still in the arms of the Angel.

As the blinding light approaches the center,
I can just make out yet another
incredible scene of magic.

First the Angel seems to be rubbing, no,
massaging, the light into the tiny child's skin.
Then this Angel grabs the light as if it is solid
and in that very moment, it is.

She wraps me in what quickly

becomes a cloak of light.

Unbeknownst to me,
every other heavenly being
has also been rubbing this light
into each age of me
and in fact, my newborn self
and one year old self as well.

Then they give each version of me
a cloak of incandescent, ethereal light.

A heavenly cloak has now been
bestowed to all of me
and there is a sudden cheering

among the otherworldly beings.
Though we still cannot understand the words,
we know they are celebrating
the courage and resilience of our* soul. 

*our=my

There is More to Me

Please, I ask of you,
do not judge me weak
when you cannot see
the rest of my load;
Don't judge me selfish
when you can't bear witness
to my humble intentions.
Please, I ask of you,
do not judge me a half-wit
when you cannot observe
the endlessness of my thoughts;
Do not judge me weak
when you can't behold
the depths of my pain.

Don't presume to know why I cry.
Don't presume to know why I laugh.
Don't presume to know why I'm angry.
Don't presume to know why I'm scared.

Remember,
what you see of me is not all there is.
I have stories you may never know; 
I have depths you may never see;
I have knowledge and insights
that you may never understand.

It is not for you to discern
who I am or what I can do.
It is not for you to delineate
my limitations or capacities.
You do not get to define me
or place me in a box.

None of us are
two dimensional humans.
We all have stories,
we all have hardships.
There is more to me,
there is more to everyone
than the surface level observations
that you glean;
For we are all
multifaceted beings
with great depth.

Why I Am Here

I feel my experiences
must one day be recycled
into proffered help and guidance.
For I have walked alone in the dark;
and I have seen the monsters
that hide in the shadows
of a mind riddled with grief and anxiety.
Hardships are not foreign to me.
They've been nigh on
consistent companions in my life
though playing with my sister
and exploring nature
alleviated much of the emotional pain,
allowing me to shove it down deeper,
to ignore for a little longer.

I must believe that I am
here to make a difference,
that I am here to make a change.
I want to believe that I am
here to make sure
people like me can be heard,
can feel empowered to speak their mind.

I feel that I am here
to make sure
children like me
don't fall between
the cracks in our education.
I believe I am here to spark hope,
courage, and determination in children,
that I am here to instill
growth-mindset in schools.

I feel that I am here
to remind teachers
that it is up to the individual students
to discover what they are capable of,
that it is not their place to define
or delineate their abilities.
Teachers are there to help
the child reach their full potential,
not to place limits or boundaries around them.

I want to believe
that I am here to educate teachers
on how to find out
what is limiting a child's ability
to learn a subject and address it.

I want to be sure
no one else feels cast out
or cast aside.
I want everyone to be able to
hold themselves accountable
for how they treat others.

I Am the Children

I say I wish to work with children,
that I wish to work with those with special needs,
but the desire goes so much deeper than that,
for I can identify with and relate to so many.
I can relate to the foster child, the adopted child.
I can relate to the traumatized child
and the child with special needs.
I have been in the shoes of children
who are shunned and ostracized by their classmates
and those who have been underestimated and misunderstood.
I can identify with the child who has
been abused and neglected by their biological parents.
I can relate to the child separated from his/her siblings.
I have been the child with a trigger word
and the child who cries in school.
I was the dyslexic child, the struggling student,
the ordinary, average child.
I have been in the shoes of children who feel powerless,
who feel unwanted, and those who fantasize about death.
I've been the bullied child and the bully.
(For I copied the actions of my biological parents for a time.)
I can identify with and relate to the children
who view yelling and shouting as the presages of violence.
I can relate the the lonely children
who have changed schools yet again.
I know what it is to become used to being the outcast and the outsider,
so much so that you stop caring whether or not you'd fit in.
So when I say I want to help the children,
these are the ones I want to encourage,
these are the ones I want to light the way for.
For at one time I was viewed as a student
with little potential and in the end,
it turned out I was the gifted child all along.
I am ALL of these children
and they deserve to know they are not alone.

An Illusory Prison

I used to feel imprisoned
by the dark stone walls
of grief and shame
and the cold stone floor
of self-pity and even
subconscious self-loathing.
I used to feel imprisoned by the past.

But then one day,
I posited a question:
Why should I carry
more shame and self-loathing
than the person who wronged me?
And the once solid prison walls
began to waver and falter.
Though not quite freed
from the illusory prison,
I began to perceive
that it was a mere delusion.

I'll admit, it took a few days
or weeks
of looking at this question
for the seemingly solid stones
to become a mirage
and for the mirage
to dissolve without a trace.

And it has since come to me,
that my father imprisoned me,
so I could set us free.
The darkness within him
was so complete,
he could not free himself
and instead felt he
needed me to join him
in his suffering.

So now I feel I must believe
that this traumatic transgression
was necessary
so that it would spur me to delve
fully and completely
into healing myself,
to delve fully and completely
into mastering forgiveness
so I could set us free.

My Heart Belongs to the Mountains

My heart belongs to the mountains
that stretch up to the sky
and reach far above the clouds.
My soul belongs to the streams and rivers
that wind endlessly across the land.
My breath belongs to the wind and the trees.
My mind, body, and soul are one
with the incandescent beauty of Mother Earth
for it is through her
that I can reclaim my peace of mind;
it is through her
that I can reclaim my bliss.

Climbing her mountains strengthened my heart;
wading through her waters freed my soul,
while the wind and the trees ceaselessly restore my breath.

My heart belongs to the spring blossoms
bursting with lively colors.
My soul belongs to the sunrises and sunsets
that decorate the clear blue sky.
My breath belongs to the everchanging clouds.
My mind, body, and soul are one
with the majesty of Mother Earth
for it is through her
that I can restore my sense of wonder;
it is through her
that I can restore my sense of passion.

Mother Earth inspires me
to give my love freely.
Mother Earth inspires me
to live with compassion.
Mother Earth inspires me
to open to the love of the universe.
For it is through her
that I can remember my oneness
with all that is.

Bringer of the Dawn

During this time of divine transformation,
I call upon the magic stardust within me,
I call upon the sacred, bright white moonlight within me,
to illuminate the World's dark night of the soul.
For the World will be made new again,
and I with it.

During this time of rebirth,
I call upon the galaxies of countless stars within me,
I call upon the infinity of space within me,
so that I may provide countless blessings
and infinite love to all
during the World's dark night of the soul.
For the World will be made new again,
and I with it.

During this time of resurrection,
I call upon the North Star within me,
so that I may shine an eternal
guiding light upon the World's
dark night of the soul.
For the World shall be made new again,
and I with it.

During this time of renewal,
I call upon the aurora borealis,
the ribbons of celestial light
that dance through the night,
and the awe this lightshow inspires.
For the World shall be made new again,
and I with it.

During this time of divine chaos and upheaval,
I call upon the solar flares within me,
to spur the restoration, reawakening,
and rebirth of the heart and soul of the phoenix.
For the World shall be made new again,
and I with it.

May I hold the light of the moon and stars;
may I hold the light of the solar flares
and their creation of the aurora,
for I wish to be made new again.
May I hold each of these things
as well as the peace, hope, and elation they inspire,
for I wish to be made new again.

May I amplify, magnify, and augment
the love, light, and peace brought to us
by the moon, the stars, and the celestial lights.
For I wish to expedite the coming of a New Dawn,
a New World, a New Earth.
The World shall be made new again,
and I with it.

Blessing What Has Felt Disgraced

Today, I place upon the altar,
my heart, my past, my mind.
I place on the altar
all the parts of me
that I feel need God's Blessing,
all the places within me
that have felt disgraced.

My heart because it had
felt as though it should
want nothing from the world,
that it was not allowed to hold
wishes, dreams, or desires.
My heart because it had
been warned against the
audacity of hope and fairness.

My past because it had
given me the burdens of shame,
of guilt, and of constant anxiety.
My past because it had
caused me to believe
that I deserved nothing,
that everything good
came with a price.

My mind because it has
been a dark and winding labyrinth;
easy to get lost within its imposing walls.
My mind because it has
carried countless believable lies
about who I am.

I allow God to Bless that
which I've placed upon the altar,
and as his Divine Blessings
wash over my heart, my past, my mind,
may they each be freed from
the lies and falsehoods
they have carried.

And from this moment forward,
I shall internally declare
that I belong here.
When applying for a job,
or applying to a school,
I shall remind myself,
I deserve to be here
because I belong here. 

Slow Routes, Growing Roots

When a promising opportunity
abruptly turns into a closed door,
fear not that you've been led astray,
for there is and has always been
more than one way.

When things don't go according to plan;
when your plans go awry,
fear not that you've gone astray,
for there is and has always been
more than one way.

Whenever you go through heart-break or rejection,
be sure to stay the course.
Simply return your thoughts to Me,
and the course correction
will be made clear;
or better yet, you'll hear
that this "no"  is only a way
for you to be available
for a better "yes".

When you begin to feel too much time has passed;
when you begin to view yourself as far behind,
fear not that you've gone astray,
for there is and has always been
more than one way.

And though your route
may not look like anyone else's,
you are indeed well on your way.
"Slow and steady wins the race",
so doubt not your pace.

Often a seemingly slow
and circuitous route
is necessary for you to deepen
and strengthen your roots
so that the tempestuous winds
will fail to topple you.

Your strong roots will keep you grounded
through whatever the world throws at you
as you stake your claim, your place in the world.
They will enable you to keep saying "Yes!"
no matter who and no matter how many
would tell you "no".

This self-assurance, for most,
can only be gained on a seemingly slow,
seemingly directionless route.

So fear not that you've gone astray.

Re-Writing My Ego's Fiction

Before today, I believed myself to be
undeserving of good and unworthy of love.
My experiences have led me to believe myself to be
powerless and even incompetent
and therefore unneeded and disempowered.
Today I ask you dear Mother, Father, God
to replace these feelings and beliefs.

Please assure me that as a divine being,
as your beloved daughter,
that I am deserving of all things good,
that I am worthy of love just as I am.
Assure me that I do not have to do anything
to prove my worth to anyone;
for I am worthy in Your eyes God,
I am loved by You God
and may that be enough.

Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator,
please show me my divine, unquestionable power,
have me recognize my unique and valuable skills
so that I may view myself as competent.
My experiences have led me to believe
all these lies about myself.
And I ask you,
Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator,
to please re-write these core beliefs
so that I may manifest my greatest good,
my brightest future with You
instead of my Ego.

Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator,
may we rewrite "unimportant"
as "important and essential",
may we re-write "invisible and unheard"
as "leader, mentor, educator, counselor, and guide".
Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator"
may we re-write "unworthiness and undeservingness"
as "undeniably worthy and deserving of good fortune,
of prosperity, and abundance".
Where my Ego has declared me an "axillary piece"
write in "100% necessary, 100% wanted and needed".

My experiences have also led me to believe
I'd always be unsafe and that the only way
to feel alive was to feel anxious and stressed.
Re-write this with me, God,
as I now declare
that I am safe, I am secure, and I am peace.

What is One To Do?

What is one supposed to do about past trauma?
What is one supposed to do
when the pain of our past is so hell-bent
on haunting us? On robbing our peace of mind?

I have already tried denying
the truth of it for many years
until the information reached me directly
and confirmed that which I had
so fervently denied
with every fiber of my being.

What is one supposed to do about their past trauma?
What is one supposed to do
when the weight of the past is so hell-bent
on haunting us? On robbing our sense of self-worth?

I have already waded through
despair and had countless self-pity parties
before turning them into motivation for travel...
and yet it still returns.

I feel I have let go a hundred different times
and in a hundred different ways
and still the weight of it continues to return...
and always when I least expect it.

Am I to turn it into a badge of honor?
Am I to learn how to be proud
of having carried this heavy burden so well?
Am I to feel courageous
for having chosen such a life as this?
Am I to feel valiant
for not allowing the event
to corrupt my heart?

Perhaps I should aim to do all of these.
For a part of me knows
that I chose this life for a reason
knowing full well the risks that were involved.
Meaning that the pain of my past
was never a sign of my powerlessness.
A part of me knows that it has served a greater purpose
and that I am to learn how to become
greater than the summation of my history.

For no one is to be defined by any single event;
Who we are in this moment
involved countless trials and triumphs
and how we have chosen to carry them.

Stepping Into Oneness

Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator,
please erase from my consciousness
my feelings and beliefs
of shame, of guilt, of undeservingness.
Mother, Father, God, please replace
each of these with Your Healing Grace,
with Your Divine Love,
with Your Everlasting Light.

Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator,
please erase from my consciousness
each of my worries,
all of my anxieties.
Mother, Father, God, please replace
these with the Joy that is Your Eternal Peace,
with Your Timeless Wisdom
and with the certainty that Your Power
is My Power, is Ours.

Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator,
may it be that whenever I find myself in fear,
that I can and will remember
that I can enter my future as You.

Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator,
may I end my addiction to suffering here and now
by stepping into my true, everlasting oneness
with You and Your Grace and Peace.
May I end my addiction to stress and worry here and now
by stepping into my true, everlasting oneness
with You and Your Love and Light.
May I end my addiction to my ego's company and poor advice here and now
by stepping into my true, everlasting oneness
with You and Your Wisdom and Joy.

Mother, Father, God, may I feel fulfilled in this moment
as I permit and allow You to fill me
with Your Infinite Love and Compassion.
May Your gifts remind me of my sinlessness.
May Your gifts remind me of my divinity.
May these gifts remind me of my unquestionable
deservingness for all the GOOD You WILL for me.

Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God.
Let this be so. And so it is. Amen. Aho. Asé.

A Time of No Direction

The intention behind this, as with many of my "downer" pieces, is to let go of the thoughts that would drag me down... So read no more into it than that.

I can't help but feel

that simply being

has no value

because it appears,

on the surface at least,

to equal a lack of purpose...

And that, to me,

would feel like a death sentence.

And on top of that my future continues

to appear to be a gaping void

full of nothing...

Nothing to do, nothing to be or become.

I can't see how I can fulfill my heart's desire.

I feel like I wasted a whole lot

of time, energy, and effort to get nowhere.

Why am I here if there's nothing for me to do?

How am I supposed to help others

when it seems I can barely help myself?

I'm 28 and I feel like I haven't done anything,

like I haven't accomplished anything.

It was easier to successfully travel

than to find and stay in a job I truly wanted.

Why do there appear to be

so many roadblocks to what I desire most?

My Dear Sister

To my kind and loving sister,
I want you to know
that I wish for you
all the happiness in the world
and perfect health.

To my wonderful, humorous sister,
I want you to know
that you mean the world to me,
that you bring me such joy
whenever we're together.

To my strong-headed yet caring sister,
I want you to know,
that I wish for you
to know, feel, and experience
perfect peace, contentment, and
pure, undiluted joy.

My dear sister,
please know that I
hold infinite love for you,
and know that I
admire your strength and fortitude.
Know that I can and would
walk to the ends of the Earth for you.

I live for your smiles and laughter,
and I live to support you
during each and every
one of your trials.

But I hold a hope in my heart
that you will soon find
a way to triumph
over all that ails you,
over all that saddens you.

My infinite love to you, dear sister.
May these blessings of
happiness, health, hope, and wellness
settle into your heart and soul.

Release Your Burdens

To those who have survived abuse,
the shame you've been shouldering
does not belong to you;
it is not yours to bear.
Release this burden of shame to Me.

To those who have felt abandoned
and now fear abandonment,
know that this is actually
a fear of losing love...
which, as the beloved and holy
child of God, is impossible.
Release this fear to Me.

To those who carry self-doubt;
though this may be something
others gave to you,
I assure you, it is not yours.
Release this burden to Me.

To those who have yet to experience self-love,
know that you cannot reach this experience
until you abandon your guilt and shame;
for these cannot coexist in your consciousness.
You cannot possess self-love
while falsely claiming guilt and shame to be yours.
Release these burdens to Me.

To those who have suffered,
your suffering does not make you unworthy,
nor did you suffer because you deserved to.
Your hardships, your ordeals,
are never yours alone.
And by sharing them,
you may well find that you are able
to comfort others with your
empathy and understanding
while gaining the loving
and uplifting support you need.

You may not be ready to know this,
but your hardships were chosen by your soul
so that you might discover
a circuitous route
back home to Me;
so that you might teach others
how to make their own way home.

So now that your moments of suffering have passed,
release your pain, release your guilt and shame to Me.
Release to Me your fears and self-doubt.
For none of these burdens belong to you,
My beloved and holy child.

To Set the World Free

If my joy, happiness, and freedom
are meant to be my gifts to the world,
may I then be reminded
that this means I not only
have permission to be joyous and happy,
but that I should be.

If my light, love, and peace
are meant to be my gifts to the world,
may I then be reminded
that I not only have permission
to be myself, but that I
should be myself.

May I be reminded
that You have a divine purpose
for me and that I cannot
fulfill this purpose
as someone else.

For I was led through ceaseless darkness.
I was led through deep and foreboding shadows
so that I could prepare a survival guide
and roadmap for others.

And You had held my hand the whole time,
though I did not know it;
so ensconced in my grief was I
that I failed to feel Your presence,
that I failed to feel Your guiding hand
and loving embrace.

All I could notice was
the ebb and flow of my tears
coupled with a cumbersome weight
resting upon my heart and soul.
Yet You were there,
moving through me
as I waded through my sorrows,
hoping against hope
that I would soon find someplace
comforting to rest.
For I knew I did not wish
to live in these dark and
troubled waters.

You were with me
as I strove to find
some small form of joy
that might, if only briefly,
lift my heart.
My days were long then,
for I often could not find sleep.
But upon looking back,
I know now, that it was You
who gave me the strength
I needed to succeed anyway.
I know now, that it was You
who brought deep
and lasting friendships to me
so that I could learn how loved I was.

Yet I did not feel Your presence
until I walked endlessly through
forests and rivers and mountains
and saw You in every creature,
in every flower.
And with every vista,
with every sunrise and sunset
I began to feel Your presence,
Your joy,
Your peace
settling more and more deeply
into my heart
where once laid fear, dread, and despair.

Until I traversed
many miles on foot and
saw You in everyone I encountered,
I did not know that You were indeed
looking after me.
For whenever I was in dire need,
you arranged a way
for my needs to be met.

As I steadily approach
my joy, my happiness, my freedom
and my own personal heaven,
I shall acknowledge that I
have been given the skill to mark the way
so that even though this path
has oft been shrouded by shadows,
those who wish to follow in my footsteps
shall be able to discern
which way to go, which way to turn.

If they can accept that
though life has not been easy,
it can be,
they will find freedom.
If they can accept that
this life was chosen by them,
they will know with perfect certainty,
that they have never been powerless.
And when we all find
what brings us joy, happiness, and freedom,
we shall then set the world free.

My Magic Friends

I have, at times, felt Broken beyond repair. I have, at times, felt As though my sharp, Jagged edged shards Kept people away. I believed that others, too, Saw me as broken beyond repair. Perhaps they did. And perhaps that’s why They chose to stay away…

But each of my friends seemed to
Possess some sort of wizardry
That empowered them To love my broken pieces.
My friends seemed to
Possess some form of magic
That enabled them
To embrace my sharp edges.
My friends showed me
That I could be loved,
No matter how I viewed myself. And for that, I must thank them.

My magic friends Gave me enchanted hugs. Hugs that smoothed my jagged Edges with love, Hugs that wrapped my hostile Edges with molten gold. So that eventually, With each progressive embrace, My pieces were being Put back into place. And for that, I must thank them.

My magic friends Blessed me with enchanted words. Their words of Kindness and assurance, Kept me on my feet When all I wanted Was to sleep the final sleep. Their words of love Stayed with me Long after we parted ways, Allowing what Had been my shards To settle into place; The gleaming gold Meandering between The numerous fragments Like endless estuaries Of a prodigious river, Flowing between mountains. And for that, I must thank them.

Stepping into Self-Love

I say I wish to be better
yet forget that I first
have to forgive myself
for not being so.

I say I want to love better,
yet forget to foster self-love
and to forgive myself
for withholding and denying
love.

I say I wish to listen better
yet forget that it's often
me that I ignore.

I do wish
to be better,
to love better,
to listen better.
But find that sometimes
I'm the person
who is hardest to forgive,
who is hardest to love,
who is hardest to hear.

Why is that?
Of all the people in the world,
I seem to like me the least.
How can that be?
I guess I just
have believed myself to be
more flawed than others.
More graceless and
imperfect than others.
More inconvenient
and annoying to be around...

So what can I do?
Find a way to forgive myself
for any and all transgressions
against myself and others.
Learn to love my imperfections,
even as I work to improve.
Learn to trust my voice;
both my silent intuition,
and my speech.

These aren't easy things to do.
But I remind myself,
that I don't wait for someone
to become "perfect",
flawless, or graceful
before I love them.

So why would I ever
withhold love from myself?
If I can acknowledge my shortcomings
without judgement
as I work on them,
I'll have taken a step
toward self-love.
If I can let go of my desire
to be understood by all,
I'll have taken a step
toward self-love.
If I can learn to trust my intuition
I'll have taken a step
toward self-love.

To Be Your Own Super-Hero

Whenever I find myself saying, "Haven't I been through enough", I hear the gentle, loving, yet humorous response of, "You're right. You have indeed, been through enough. So tell me, why are you again dwelling on all of your pain, when you could be living here, in this present moment?"

I breathe a sigh of relief and take a moment to let go of the past again. For the past no longer exists, and the pain in it has already served a divine purpose. So in this moment, I choose yet again, not to let the past have power over me.

It shall no longer make me feel afraid; it shall no longer make me feel abandoned. As I let it all go, I release the worries, the anxieties and the misgivings that arise from feeling unsafe. And in doing so, I am starting to become my very own super-hero.

All along my tangled and gnarly, twisted and winding, dark and barren road, I was and had always been the hero I was waiting for. I was the knight in shining armor sent to rescue myself. For I already held the light, I already had the knowledge and even the tools I needed to bushwhack my way to the promised summit. To the promised safety, comfort, and warmth of the love and light and peace of God's embrace. I always knew the way home. I always knew the way home.

Loving the Wounded Child

Today I send love
to the wounded child within me.
I give her a tight embrace
and tell her that everything
will be alright.

I comfort her
with whispered tales
of my adventures
as she sits upon my lap.
Her eyes close as she pictures
these places in her mind.
Her ear rests against
the beat of my heart;
a rhythm that assures her
that I still live for her.
A beat that assures her
that I have found a way
to carry the burdens this far;
that her horror stories
did not mark the end.

My wild journey,
I assure her,
was only this wild
because of the past
she so bravely survived.
The hard times
and good times
have since become one;
neither could have existed
without the other.
For I would not have been
spurred to travel
had I not suffered,
had I not experienced
such powerlessness.

So today,
I send love
to the wounded child within me
for being so courageous.
I bless her wounds and her scars.
I bless her tenacity,
her fortitude, and moxie.
I bless my soul for choosing this life
knowing the pain
it would have to endure
before being able to bring
comfort and solace to others,
for this was a divine choice
and I take this time to honor it.

Today I acknowledge
that despite surviving
very real traumas,
I have truly won
many lotteries in this lifetime.

Each of my surviving siblings
got adopted into safe and loving homes,
and though we were split,
we were able to see each other often.
I have had amazing friendships.
I had the inner strength
to ignore the doubts of others
and instead make my own slow way
to success after success.

The pain of the past
became a motivator
for travel and volunteer work;
I continually threw myself
into something bigger than myself
so I could make what difference I could.
So I could alleviate the suffering of others
with my love and compassion.
Today I send love to and thank
the wounded child within
for her resilience and strength,
for her courage and steel will
to defy the odds.

A Thousand Capacities

I wish you all could see
how far I've come to be here.
I wish you could see
the countless trials,
the plethora of triumphs
that brought me to this moment.

There was almost never a time
when I felt life was easy
and those times mostly consisted
of summers.
Summers in which
I didn't have to face
my teachers or my peers.
Anxiety was my constant companion,
an ever present undercurrent
which meant small inconveniences
could make me cause a spectacle
despite the fact that
all I really, truly wanted
was to remain invisible.

After a few years in school,
I started feeling indifferent
about my existence
and often wondered
why I was even here.
But despite the struggles,
I found I loved learning
even though I couldn't
always prove my intellect.

For one time,
in fourth grade,
I failed a five question
math quiz,
and yet the following year,
I moved up a level in math.

And this has been the pattern.
No one expects me to succeed until I do.
Even to this day,
I don't know what gave me the strength
to ignore the doubters
and keep my head down
until I could show them
that I had "a thousand capacities"
ready to spring up in me.

Perhaps my soul,
had been fully aware
all along,
of my true potential.
Perhaps my soul
has always been
the source of my strength.

Suicide Awareness

I've written this post as a way to honor all those we have lost to suicide this year and to those lost to suicide every year. And to anyone who stumbles upon this during a time of great suffering, please know I see you, I am you, and I love you. Please know that I have faced many of the thoughts and feelings listed below. Know that you have worth. Know that you are so loved and know the joy you have brought and continue to bring others just by being you.

                Dear World,

                      I'm so sorry to have left in a hurry,
                     but I felt all alone.
                    I felt like no one could see me,
                   like no one could hear me.

So I figured if I no longer exist to anyone,
then maybe it was time to go.
I know it wasn't fair to any of you,
but I couldn't take life any longer
because I couldn't feel alive.

                Being dead seemed better
                than being half dead.
                For nothing seemed to matter
                to me anymore;
                I couldn't see
                a future in which I'd be
                happy.

There seemed to be nothing
for me in this broken world.
There was no place for me;
none that I could see.
I swear I couldn't
find a way out.

                Who could possibly understand?
                Who would have the patience
                to listen to my anxieties?
                And how would sharing them help at all?
                Every lie that resided in my head
                would still be there,
                just as real as they'd be before.

I didn't believe that anyone
would have been able to find
the words to comfort me.
For there was no comfort in the world.
I felt that no one could possibly
save me, especially not from me. 

                Nothing made sense.
                Nothing seemed to matter.
                I'm truly sorry I did it
                but it's not your fault.
                I couldn't see straight;
                I couldn't see anything.
                I couldn't think straight.

What was a 25 year old like me
supposed to do in such a broken world?
What was the point
of my insignificant existence?
I couldn't come up with answers
to these and other questions.
Again, please don't blame yourself.

                My head was lying to me.
                It led me to believe all these terrible lies.
                That I was utterly alone,
                that no one missed me
                or thought about me.
                That no one would understand
                or even want to listen
                to my melancholy.

It also seemed to me
that receiving your assurance
would only make me feel bad
that I couldn't shake the sadness.
I was almost in a place where
I didn't want comfort
even if it did exist.

                I love all of you dearly and wish
                I could take this action back.
                But my battle was already lost.
                I was tired and could battle no more.
                I swear I tried, but I was just
                too tired to continue.

The demons in my head
got louder every day,
every minute.
They drowned out my sanity
causing me to lose sight of my reality.
I knew I was loved,
but didn't feel loved.
I knew I had my family's support
but felt that I couldn't trust it.

            I'm sorry I gave up the battle.

           The darkness won; I could see no sun.

           I'm sorry I gave up the battle.

          The darkness won; I could see no sun.

          I'm sorry I gave up the battle.

         The darkness won; I could see no sun.

A Bygone Age of Grief

A decade ago,
I began grieving my loss of innocence.
Until God reminded me
that I was and have always been
innocent.

A decade ago,
I began grieving my loss of faith.
Until God found a way
to restore it
in my mind,
in my body,
in my soul.

I grieved my brokenness,
for I felt shattered.
I grieved over my sense
of powerlessness
and insignificance.
Until God assured me
that I was perfect,
whole,
and complete.
And that I was loved
just as I was.

A decade ago, I began grieving
over my trauma tarnished
childhood.
Until God reminded me
that I still had experienced
wonderfully carefree times
as a child.

My prayers then
began "If there is a God",
and now they begin
"Dear Mother, Father, God"
And end with "Thank you, God"

Dear Mother, Father, God,
I ask that you stay with me,
today and everyday,
so that I shall never again
believe those lies.
I ask that you
continue to fill my mind
with the truth of my
power and divinity,
with the truth of my
perfection.

May I never again question
whether or not
I am Your beloved
child,
Your beloved
daughter.
May I never again
claim the victim-hood
identity as mine.
May I trust today and every day
that I always have
Your protection and provision
every step of the way,
every hour of the day.

May today mark this decade
a bygone age of grief and self-pity.
May the grieving reach its end today.

Thank you, God. Thank you, God.

Writing is My Lantern

Writing is my sword; the blade I use to slash through the belly of the beast, whenever the darkness threatens to swallow me whole. Writing is my life raft, keeping me above the waves whenever I find myself adrift at sea. Writing is my lantern that guides my steps through the impenetrable darkness. Writing gives me freedom and at times an egress. Writing provides a counterweight for the burdens I carry, until I find a way to let them go.

Alchemizing Burdens into Blessings

I've come to the crazy conclusion
that my trauma serves a divine purpose.
For I have taken the time
and made the effort
to find some way to alchemize
my burdens into blessings.

I allowed my loneliness
to empower me to reach out
and befriend those
who felt isolated by their awkwardness.
I allowed the imperfections
that I noted and disliked in myself
to be the very things that I loved about others,
and eventually recognized this
as a stepping stone to self-love.

My hardships, my trials and tribulations,
my struggles all have had
a divine purpose all along.
But I was too caught up in grief
and self-pity to see it.
The truth of this alchemy
can be seen in my poetry,
can be seen in my empathy.
The divine purpose was shown
every time I chose to reach out
to those who reminded me of myself.
The divine purpose was visible
every time I helped a child.
The divine purpose manifested itself
in the form of deep, lasting friendships,
in the form of the patience and compassion
I have for others.

Could it be that these challenging experiences
were digging a cavernous well within me
to be filled with love, light, tenderness, and grace,
enabling me to walk through life with compassion
as my knee-jerk reaction for every interaction?

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time,
I dreamed of having a life
other than my own.
Any other life would do.
I'd dream of being someone else,
of swapping with another,
or of reincarnating.
For death seemed
easier to face than grieving.
Death occurs in an instant,
grief can last a lifetime.

Once upon a time,
I felt like the only way
I could love myself
was to be someone else.
Once upon a time,
I despised myself
for all of my behavioral
idiosyncrasies.
I hated that I couldn't
get others to understand me.
I hated that I couldn't
pretend to be "normal",
though now I know
there's many more than one
definition of "normal".

From where I currently stand,
I can see that all of my
idiosyncrasies
stem from my early traumas;
the friction between me and my peers
also stemmed from these.
All of the reasons I felt I had
to hate myself
were the unwanted gifts
my biological parents
left me with.

But these unwanted gifts
have already been useful.
These traits I used to hate
have made me more patient
with children.
These traits I used to hate
have made me more empathetic
towards others.
These idiosyncrasies
that I used to despise
have become gifts for others.
For whenever someone displays
a behavior that I have noted in myself,
my first response is compassion
instead of judgement.
And that is no small gift.

And when I learn to love my story
enough to share it,
people will be comforted to know
that there is still hope,
even after trauma.

A Fearless and Powerful Masterpiece

May each of the burdens you carry
show you your strength.
And may you give yourself permission
to let them go.
May each of the trials you have endured
show you your perseverance.
And may you give yourself permission
to abandon them.
May your hardships
show you your resilience.
And may you learn to let these go.
The whittling knife
that shows up in your life
can either be given the power
to whittle you down to nothing--
OR to create a beautiful, fearless,
and powerful masterpiece.
And that choice is yours,
make no mistake.

May each of the trials
and tribulations in your life
reveal to you the courage in your heart,
the grit and tenacity of your soul.
May the burdens and hardships
allow you to see
just how incredibly amazing you are.
But, please be sure to let each one go
once you have seen the truth behind them.

God's Beloved Child

Your will for me, God,
is perfect happiness
and I agree with you, God.
You know me to be
perfect, whole, and complete
and I wish to know
and feel this in my bones.
You know me to be
love, loved, and lovable
and I desire to know
and feel this in my bones.
You know me as
Your beloved daughter,
as your emissary of light
and I want to know
and feel this in my bones.
So, please, Mother, Father, God,
allow me to share Your perception of,
Your vision of me.
Please allow me
to see, accept, and embrace
my divine identity,
my true purpose.

For as Your beloved child
I carry within me,
Your Love and Light.
For as Your beloved child,
I carry within my essence,
Your Grace and Peace.
For as Your beloved child,
I carry within me,
Your Wisdom and Knowledge.
As your beloved daughter,
I carry within my essence,
the vibrations of healing,
of laugher, and ecstasy.

And since there is no place
where I end and You begin,
and there is no place where
I begin and You end,
I always have the power
to share Your consciousness
whenever I need to be reminded
of who I truly am.

I am not just light,
I am Your Light,
I am not just love
I am Your Love,
I am not just grace and peace
I am Your Grace, Your Peace.
And for this sacred Knowledge,
I thank you, God.
I thank you, God.

To Shine Today and Every Day

I affirm in this moment
that with God's grace,
that with God's power and provision,
no one shall again
have the power
to take away or snuff out
the love and light in my heart,
in my soul.
My light shall shine
today and everyday.

No matter the circumstance,
no matter what events
take place in my life,
nothing shall again
have the power
to diminish or undo
all the work I have done
to reach this precious moment.
My love shall shine
today and every day.

No matter how hard the winds blow,
no matter how high the waves become,
no matter how dark the night,
my light shall shine
today and every day.
For with God supporting me
every step of the way,
I know I shall not falter,
I know I cannot fail;
My light shall shine
today and every day.

When the storm rages around me,
I shall still know peace.
When the stars go out,
I shall still see the light.
When the pathway becomes obscured,
I shall still know the way home;
For my love and light shall shine
today and every day.

The Heaven Found in Forgiveness

 As I sit upon my chair,
swaying to the music in my ear,
I feel immersed, totally immersed
in the loving light of God.

He seems to be dissolving
the reality of my body,
showing me the light within.
Reminding me that I have
a larger existence than
that of my slender figure.
Reminding me that this soul
I'm beginning to see
has always been safe
even when my human form
experienced torment and torture.

I feel God living inside me
in this moment,
showing me how it can be easy
to forgive this being
for being my source of trauma.
For He is showing me the depth
of my biological father's
pain and suffering.
He is showing me
the darkness that
has resided in his soul
due to his own torments.

And with the flaming torch
of God's grace, and love, and light
now within me,
I offer a true heartfelt hug to my father
and sense that in this moment
of divine grace and divine forgiveness,
this being begins to heal the darkness
within himself
for the love and light of God
that I carry
is driving out the midnight
in his soul.
And I,
in this moment,
have freed myself from the bondage
of pain and suffering,
and freed myself from the belief
that I had to have been deeply
and innately flawed
for this trauma to have occurred.
The flaws I perceived in myself
were simply a fiction devised by the ego;
it was in fact,
the depth of despair
within this other being
that caused me to suffer.

Knowing this through and through,
knowing this in my heart and soul,
and seeing this bright light
burning within me,
I take the time to forgive all
others, including myself,
for each and every
major and minor transgression.

I forgive myself for withholding
love, compassion, and patience
from myself on this journey.
I forgive the messes I created
when I felt trapped in fear and anxiety
or mired in my misery.
And I take this time
to acknowledge that others
have also made mistakes and
created messes
for the very same reasons as I
and that they should therefore
be readily forgiven.

I Am One

I step out into the world,
feel the wind on my face and
smell the delicate scent of autumn.
And I listen for the wisdom
of the trees and the birds,
the grass and the wind,
of the ocean and the flowers.

They remind me that
I am one with the trees and the birds,
with the grass and the wind.
I am. I am. I am.
They assure me that
I am one with all of Mother Nature,
with all the stars in the Universe.
I am. I am. I am.
They tell me that
I am one with the music of the ocean,
with the sweet scent of flowers.

I close my eyes, place my hands over my heart,
and can almost hear the ocean pulsing inside me.
I can almost make out the starlight against my eyelids.
A feathery breeze gently caresses my cheek
as if I were a daughter of the Wind.
And the birds are singing comforting tunes
as if they know how to ease my troubled mind.

To Be Made New Again

Mother, Father, God, Great Spirit, Our Creator, I invite you, I invoke you to please continue working with me as I learn to embrace my higher self. As I learn to have her and keep her at the wheel in the Ego's stead.

Mother, Father, God, Great, Spirit, Our Creator, I invite you and I invoke you into my mind, to relieve me of my worries and doubts.

I invite you and I invoke you into my heart, to relieve me of all my blockages to love.

And Mother, Father, God, I invite you and I invoke you into my energies so that I may be relieved of all my past patternings that I have clung to & that would hold me back.

Mother, Father, God, please help me break my addiction to the Ego's company.

Dear God, please aid me in releasing the empty lies of the Ego, so that I may again be grounded by the truth. The truth that I am your beloved daughter. The truth that I am perfect, whole, and complete. The truth that all is forgiven, yet there is nothing to forgive. The truth that you make all things new again & therefore I can be made new in this moment.

And I thank you God. I thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you.

To Accept Your Divine Identity

MOTHER, FATHER, GOD, GREAT SPIRIT, OUR CREATOR,
I INVITE YOU, I INVOKE YOU
TO ENTER INTO MY CONSCIOUSNESS
TODAY AND EVERYDAY,
TO ASSURE ME THAT
I AM STILL YOURS,
TO ASSURE ME
OF MY DIVINE IDENTITY
FOR I STILL RESIST.

MOTHER, FATHER, GOD, GREAT SPIRIT, OUR CREATOR,
THERE ARE STILL PLACES WITHIN ME WHERE I 
BELIEVE MYSELF TO BE DEEPLY
PROFOUNDLY, AND EVEN
INNATELY FLAWED AND I ASK
THAT YOU PLEASE LIFT THIS FALSEHOOD,
THIS FICTION FROM MY CONSCIOUSNESS.

MOTHER FATHER GOD GREAT SPIRIT OUR CREATOR,
PLEASE LIFT FROM ME
THE PATTERNINGS IN MY ENERGY,
IN MY MIND, IN MY BODY
THAT CAUSE ME TO 
RENOUNCE MY DIVINE IDENTITY. 

MOTHER, FATHER, GOD, GREAT SPIRIT, OUR CREATOR,
I STILL FIND THAT WHENEVER
SOMETHING GOES WRONG IN MY LIFE,
I SEE IT AS PROOF THAT I AM
NOT A DIVINE BEING,
THAT I AM NOT YOUR DAUGHTER.
I ACKNOWLEDGE THIS AS FALSE AND GIVE IT TO YOU.

WHENEVER I MAKE A POOR CHOICE,
I SEE THAT AS PROOF THAT I AM
NOT A DIVINE BEING,
THAT I AM NOT YOUR DAUGHTER.
I ACKNOWLEDGE THIS AS FALSE AND GIVE IT TO YOU.

WHENEVER MY FAMILY STRUGGLES
WITH HEALTH, WELLNESS, PROSPERITY, HAPPINESS,
I SEE THIS TOO AS PROOF
THAT I AM NOT A DIVINE BEING, THAT I AM 
NOT YOUR DAUGHTER.
I ACKNOWLEDGE THIS AS FALSE AND GIVE IT TO YOU.

PLEASE, FATHER, MOTHER, GOD,
ASSURE ME,
PLEASE REMIND ME THAT THIS IS FALSE.
THAT WHAT HAPPENS AROUND ME,
THAT WHAT I CHOOSE TO DO OR NOT DO
DOES NOTHING TO MAKE ME
LESS YOURS OR LESS DIVINE.

MOTHER, FATHER, GOD, GREAT SPIRIT, OUR CREATOR,
PLEASE REPLACE MY ANXIETY AND FEAR WITH FAITH AND TRUST.

MOTHER, FATHER, GOD, GREAT SPIRIT, OUR CREATOR,
PLEASE FREE ME FROM THE FICTIONS OF THE EGO.
THAT WOULD HAVE ME BELIEVE
IN MY POWERLESSNESS,
IN MY NOT ENOUGHNESS,
IN MY UNLOVABILITY.

MAY I INSTEAD KNOW MYSELF AS THE PRECIOUS GIFT THAT I AM.
MAY I INSTEAD SEE MYSELF AS TREASURE.
MAY I INSTEAD SEE MYSELF AS A VESSEL OF YOUR LOVE AND  LIGHT, AS A BEACON
AND A REFLECTOR OF YOUR LOVE AND LIGHT, AND AS A VORTEX OF YOUR LOVE
AND LIGHT.

May you ALL know the precious gift that you are.