So this entry is a bit more serious but I had to write this out this morning as a way to process a crazy dream... There will be more fun stories to come after this, I assure you.
One thing I've omitted in my trail stories and here is that there seems to be a period of adjustment that for me include massive highs and lows. On the trail it was more noteworthy because the lows were influenced by the breakup I went through just a couple weeks before setting out. One day I'd want to dance with joy and the next day I was sour about blisters not getting sleep.
This time around, both feelings are hitting at once. It seems that I'm always just as close to crying with joy as with sadness or anger or frustration. To me, both when on the trail and what's occurring now, represent some sort of purging because even after successfully hiking the trail I still seem to have a fair amount of healing to accomplish.
If you know my whole story you might think I'm running from something, but I'm not. I've managed to successfully shift the perspective I had of the event and turned it into what I call "re-purposing pain"; due to my past, I know with more certainty what to do with my future. So, if anything, I am running toward and searching for the version of myself that is completely comfortable with everything life has given me.
Don't think I don't count my blessings, I thank God every day that my siblings and I got rescued from the abuse and neglect inflicted upon us by our biological parents. But all of those experiences that I don't even remember have shaped my insecurities and I've been focusing on healing all of that since I found out how deep the rabbit hole went back in 2010. So, here I am traveling the world again, hoping to feel comfortable in my own skin, purging the negativity again. Bipolar me is back for a time but soon I'll back on the up and up.
I'm meditating and working on myself every day hoping that the added intention will speed up the process. Anyway, wish me luck!
If you're curious about the trail stories they were written in September of 2016.
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