Someone told me the other day that the reason I am waking up at 2 in the morning is to work on healing "issues concerning my dad". This was confirmed during Monday night's channeled session as well. My inevitable concern is that since this wound runs so deep, how many days of working with my spirit guides on these "issues" will it take? Granted, now that I am not adding my ego's resistance to the 2 a.m. wake up calls, I feel more recovered by 7 or 8 than I was before I found all this out. I still can't tell you straight out that what I get after 2:00 could be considered sleep, but it is more restful. Hopefully this upswing continues because I have two or three early mornings in a row starting tomorrow with full workdays Thursday and Friday.
On another note, I had another wave hit me last night. Things started feeling supremely hopeless to me. I can't help but feel like I've failed at life and that all I've done is waste time and space. Like I mentioned before, I may have survived the trauma, but at what cost? To me the cost often feels too steep. While I desperately want to be of service to others, currently I'm stuck crashing at a friend's place and I KNOW I have overstayed my welcome. It's been almost 5 months and the longer I stay the more I hate myself and the harder it is to manifest a place. You can't manifest your desires if you hold self-hatred in your heart. How can I help others out of their depression when I can't move out of my own? How can I serve others when I, myself, have failed at all facets of life? Last night was another night of wishing and praying for the end because my exhaustion and desperation had peaked yet again. I have spent a large portion of my life wanting life to be over already... Despite all my efforts, I have not succeeded in finding a way out of this dark and twisted labyrinth.
No comments:
Post a Comment