How I Found God

    So yesterday's post was all about one of my ways of trying to avoid the grief and heartbreak that stems from my own wounds by reaching out to others going through the same thing. Granted there is grief and heartbreak in acknowledging that this is something that still happens at an alarming rate in this world. But we can't get caught up in the despair. We have to act. One day, I plan to do more outward actions than what was described yesterday, but where I am now, this is the best I can do.
    I know many don't believe in God or in the power of prayer and imagination. I didn't believe in God for most of my life either. After spending six months on the Appalachian Trail, I started to feel God in my heart. I started to see God in all the wonderful facets of nature I got to bare witness to. Before the trail, I felt that either God did not exist at all, or that He/She was kind and loving... Yes, despite what I have gone through, I had felt that God, IF He/She existed, would be a beneficent being.
    Before the trail, I didn't believe in the power of prayer...but later I realized that I essentially used prayer to get onto the trail in the first place. I had done Yoga Nidra (a kind of meditation) every day, twice a day in the months leading up to my departure and I made it happen in record time. With each meditation my heart's desire was stated 3 times in the beginning and 3 times at the end, and I focused my whole heart, mind, and soul on doing the trail. Most people take a full year or more to prepare, and I just sort of hopped right on the AT with less than 5 months of planning.
    If a non-believer can suddenly feel God come alive in her heart, then I hope that I can bring that feeling to others in deep pain. They don't even have to call it God, as long as their shame and heartbreak begin to feel mended, as long as they can experience hopefulness again, that would be enough. I am not here to convert anyone, just to comfort those who need it the most. I know it's hard to believe in a benevolent, omnipotent being when you're a survivor of sexual abuse. But I was lucky enough to find a way to experience God's grace for the first time by choosing to hike this famous trail.
    Accepting that God is good AND that terrible things happen to good people (& children) is definitely a challenge. The only answer I have there is that we are made in the image of God...our souls are made in the image of God. We chose to enter the earth plane and knew what risks we were taking by coming here. I believe I chose this life and that I had big plans for it. But my ego still wants me to play small, so it is taking a while to manifest, for it to unfold. Yet I feel it is coming all the same.