So today I finally gained a better understanding of what EMDR is all about. The primary goal is to desensitize you to your various triggers and in the process of desensitization, some memories will surface, but not all of them. This makes the idea a lot more palatable for me. Having just followed the guidance of the universe, I didn't do a whole lot of research on this treatment. Plus, I felt I knew the gist of it anyway. But there is a big difference between remembering everything and remembering fragments, so I feel quite relieved.
In a previous post I talked about how I had deified pain and how it had quite literally replaced God for me. One of the ways that it has come to me to express it is that pain had come to stay and God had gone away. Over the last year, I have come to find out that the trauma my biological mother informed me about wasn't something that happened just once. It had happened on one particular day, but it was repeated for hours. Which means, the pain I experienced from the trauma lasted days, if not weeks, after it was over. So again, to my childhood self, it appeared that pain had come to stay and that God had gone away. With all this said, you can see why I have been concerned about the idea of remembering all of it.
We still haven't actually started the desensitization process yet, but we might get started next Friday or the week after that. And we're going to start with smaller triggers than the ones we know are associated with that particular trauma.
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