Moving Forward by Looking Backward?

    So today has been a hard day for writing. I never really settled into the zone. There has been too much on my mind in terms of the next part of my healing journey. I did find an EMDR specialist, and I think she will be a good match for me for this kind of therapy. Luckily this therapy is done in phases and we won't be retrieving/recovering suppressed memories until we lay some ground work; for example, teaching me coping skills among other things.
    Before getting to this point, the universe kept giving me signs to give this a shot and I thought to myself, I can't do that until I have x, y, and z. Specifically referring to supportive people around me, especially at work. And of course, I realized a moment later, I had that already...so here we are. Diving into the deep end without knowing how to swim...or if I'll actually float. I'm not saying that this will definitely get a lot harder before it gets better, but from where I stand now, I have no idea how it will unfold so I have been preemptively preparing for it as mentioned in a prior post by reaching out for added support during this time. Next Friday, during our appointment, we will create a 6 month plan for how we will proceed. 
    While I get, on some level, that this process will allow me to create new neural pathways that will essentially help me move past the trauma in such a way that it will no longer hold me back, it is all too easy to get caught up on the idea that I will be recovering suppressed memories of trauma. Granted, one odd plus side to this is that it will flesh out the memoir/autobiographical book I want to write. I had a dream, once, about having it published already and people were talking to me about what they thought of it. 

To Reveal and Heal

I proclaim here and now
that the light that I am
and the light I call forth
shall be powerful enough
to simultaneously
reveal and heal
the tragedy.

I proclaim here and now
that the light that I am
and the light I call forth
shall be mighty enough
to effortlessly
reveal and heal
the trauma.