Goals for the Future

    I'm dreaming of a day where I don't think about the past 70%-80% of my waking hours. I'll wake up between 4 and 5 a.m. and that is what first crosses my mind, throughout the day, it pops into my mind at random times. When I am preparing to fall asleep, the past is where my mind goes. I know that it doesn't define me. I know that it doesn't make me less worthy of love. I know that it doesn't make me less deserving of happiness. But I seem to let it hold me back anyway and I don't know how to stop myself from going down the rabbit hole. Everything that happened to me still affects me to my core...even when it's not my conscious mind...as I explained in my post about the faulty foundation.
    I don't want to be sacred of relationships anymore. I don't want to believe that it's impossible for me to make someone happy, but apparently, I do on some level. It is easy to believe that my trauma did make me unlovable since that is where my inability to connect and form relationships stems from. Granted, if I choose to remember the times I was able to reach out to those who reminded me of myself and befriend them effortlessly, then I can flip that belief on its head. Anyone who seemed alone and lonely, I reached out to, and most of the time, the result was that we became fast friends.
    My current top-three goals are to let go of the weight of the past, to release my habit of self-criticism and self judgement, and to release the idea that I am unlovable as I am and therefore unable to make someone happy.